Being a loving mother is the destiny of women. But overprotection very often leads to the fact that a little boy never becomes a reliable and adult man. It is difficult for him to build relationships with the opposite sex, because women are afraid of such guys.
As a rule, girls notice that their chosen one is under their mother's "cap" as soon as they start a relationship with a man. She constantly calls him, controls every step, interrogates what he ate for breakfast and what time he went to bed. Mom bombards him with requests, gives instructions and does not even ask if he has free time.
The main indicator is the reaction of the man. If he is ready to put aside all his plans and rush across the city to his mother to change her phone settings or fulfill another trifling request, then it is worth considering. Before you is the classic "sissy".
Such a man is distinguished by irresponsibility, inability to make decisions. This is not surprising, because his mother has always controlled him. In domestic terms, he is absolutely helpless, but in his career he can achieve success.
"Mama's sons" often get married quite late. The prospects for marriage are minimal, because the mother will “open her eyes” to her child for her wife - she does not care for him well, does not protect and does not appreciate. Whether it's a mother's business - she will give everything so that her son is happy.
Such a man regularly tells his wife about his mother. He knows what she thinks about this or that situation, constantly worries so as not to upset her. A dangerous symptom is when your chosen one passes everything on to mom. As a rule, she then shows her daughter-in-law her “competence” by adding a few caustic remarks.
Dependent men often live with their mother. They do not know how to take care of themselves and do not want to take responsibility. Even if the "boy" began to live separately, then his mother is most likely a frequent visitor to his apartment.
Another feature - they do not like scandals. Not because they are peaceful, they simply do not know how to stand up for themselves. The problem is that the mother did not want to bring up a personality in her son - it was not profitable for her. It is convenient for her to manage the child without her own opinion.
Women should not console themselves with the hope that her chosen one will change and your relationship will improve. It is important to understand that a potential mother-in-law will invisibly always be there. She will tell you where to rest, how to spend money and when to go to bed. She will once again have an impact on her son, and he will habitually listen to her, even if there is a serious relationship with the chosen one.
The psychology of the "sissy" is such that his wife will never be ideal for him. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will always cook, wash, clean worse than his mother. If you see dignity in your chosen one and are ready to fight for it, then the recommendations and advice of doctors in the field of psychology will be useful to you.
It is very difficult to build a relationship with an immature man. It is practically impossible to re-educate a person and change the scheme that he perceives as the only correct one.
Unfortunately, sometimes women realize that their chosen one is under the influence of their mother only after the wedding. In this case, you have three options: accept, fight, or leave.
Leaving everything as it is is the worst option. You will never be able to live in peace, because the mother-in-law will always “penetrate” the relationship. She perceives you as a competitor, so by any means she will influence her son, directing him to where it is beneficial for her. In any conflict, the spouse will support the mother - a woman who is aware of her value is unlikely to be able to come to terms with this.
Marriage can have a favorable outcome if the woman is accomplished and self-sufficient. She is able to take care of herself and does not pay attention to all the features of her husband. The ideal option is when the wife is older. She indulges all the whims of her husband, and for him this situation is quite familiar, he is comfortable in the state of a “boy”.
It is advisable to give birth to a child from such a man only if you yourself can provide it. "Mama's boy" will not be able to take responsibility and his participation in education will be minimal.
In addition, other "pitfalls" have relationships with a man. When the wife devotes all her free time to children, the “boy” will be offended that he is not given enough attention. If you ignore the claims, then the "boy" will go to his mother for support or find a new "nanny".
If you decide to build a serious relationship, first of all, you should make friends with your mother-in-law. It may seem impossible, but you have no other choice. Relations with the "boy" will be promising only when mom allows him to be with you.
Never forbid a husband to communicate with his mother. You should not show dissatisfaction with her words, deeds and moralizing. Always praise your mother-in-law, show that she is an authority for you.
If your husband's mother gave you valuable instructions on any issue, and nothing good came of it, then notice with bewilderment that you acted on her prompt. Be a bit of an actress - the game will help you smooth out the rough edges and maintain a serious relationship.
Your task is to convince the mother-in-law that you are her ally. Then it will allow you to make some decisions on your own. But you must understand that your husband will never become the head of the family - he will live with an eye on you. If you want to continue the relationship, then get ready for the fact that you will “pull” them.
To get your way in a relationship with a man who is under the "hood" of his mother, you need to act gently and diplomatically. When the "boy" does not want to take responsibility, you must create conditions so that he has to do this. Give him utility bills, ask him to pick up your coat from the dry cleaners, delegate him the authority to buy groceries - he will gradually socialize.
In order for the relationship with a man to be promising, immediately prioritize and stipulate the conditions for living together. Your chosen one must understand that he will not be able to lie on the couch while you earn money, cook his favorite foods and wash shirts. If you allow him to enjoy the merits and benefits that you create, then soon the husband will become your "son".
If you manage to convey to your spouse that he is no longer a little boy, then he will try to make decisions on his own and grow up. Perhaps he will like his new state, and he will learn to live without psychological pressure from his mother and be able to build a serious relationship.
Give advice, please. I met a guy, he is 35 years old
(I'm the same) a month and a half ago. Handsome, good work, well-read, confident. I thought about building a serious relationship with him. And he really liked me. But when I got to know him better, I was horrified. He has no children, no wives, he lives with his mother and she completely controls him. Really calls 10 times a day - for every little thing, then he will remember something else - he calls again. If he spends the night with me, for example, she wakes him up in the morning for work. He cannot stand up by himself. He began to transfer the functions of my mother to me - gives instructions - wake me up, find out for me this and that. Then it turned out that he was drinking heavily. I told him that if he wants to be with me, let him stop drinking. Well, I have a child, I do not want such an example for him. He understood, by the way he is a very educated and intelligent person. Has passed or has taken place course of treatment. Drink, says no more. I'm wondering if I should take it seriously or not. Will he be able to get rid of his infantilism, alcoholism and mother's guardianship. I need an independent man. I love him of course, but not for 20 years, so that in the pool with his head. And can I influence him to become a "man".
If he has not "become a man" in 35 years of his life, then he is unlikely to become one.
Although, there are, of course, exceptions.
In order for this to happen, it is advisable not to take on the functions of a mother, that is, not to do for him what lies in his area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility (get up in the morning, find out something, etc., etc.).
Although, of course, his mother will do all this for him.
The fact is that "infantility, alcoholism and mother's guardianship" are interconnected - because of the overprotective mother, infantilism and alcohol dependence arose. Mom did not live her own life, but lived the life of her son.
Don't be like her if you want to have a man by your side.
You have your own life and responsibility for yourself and the child, he has his own ...
It is advisable for you to consult a psychologist on an individual basis in order to find out what you can do in your particular situation.
Since on the Internet - these are just general recommendations.
Hello Masha.
Regarding the prospects of turning a 35-year-old "sissy" into a "man", I agree with the opinion of a colleague outlined above. Regarding alcoholism, we should not forget that there are no former alcoholics. There are drunks and non-drinkers. Non-drinkers always have the possibility of a relapse or relapse, even many years after stopping drinking. Therefore, there can be no complete certainty that a person has permanently got rid of alcoholism.
Regards, Tatiana.
Good answer 2 bad answer 2 
Hello Masha! let's see what's going on:
I need an independent man. I love him of course, but not for 20 years, so that in the pool with his head. And can I influence him to become a "man".
You see a person who has already settled down - HE IS SUCH! his personality is SUCH - He is infantile, immature, irresponsible, DOES NOT and DOES NOT want to be responsible for his life ON himself, he is used to shifting ON others - it was on his mother, he is shifting ON you! and if you give him back this responsibility, THEN he will be in a stressful environment for him and may react with another hard drinking, or run away to where it is easier and easier - again to his mother! - this already characterizes his personality, the personality of an alcoholic! HE IS SUCH A! and it will remain SUCH - there may be changes, BUT they are often reversible, for a long time it is NOT enough and WILL NOT be enough! and YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM - he has already folded himself and folded it in this infantile way! and it’s up to you to choose - are you ready to accept it as such? DO NOT WAIT for it to grow! KNOWING all this - make your own decision! although you already know the answer - it’s not in vain that you doubt it!
Masha, if you really decide to figure out what is happening - feel free to contact me - call - I will be glad to help you!
Good answer 3 bad answer 0 
Masha, if you "need an independent man", then why do you call him "I met a guy, he is 35 years old"?
He, a man, is unlikely to grow up with your help ("... can I influence him to become a "man"")... He has a mom and dad (even if he died or his parents are divorced). who raised him that way. And he doesn't drink casually.
And you will not be able to "replace" his mother, despite his attempts :) - "He began to shift the functions of his mother to me"! You are a woman for a man, and a mother for her child! You don't need a second "son". Maybe...
Did you meet him "a month and a half ago"? And during this time he revealed his "secrets" to you. I would ask about what kind of "treatment" he went through? Alcoholism is not cured in a couple of days. It's a long job. With his desire. And a dropper or "stitching" is only a blitz measure ...
You ask psychologists: "Will he be able to get rid of his infantilism, alcoholism and mother's guardianship?" For example, I would not dare to give you a clear answer. This is a question for him. And he probably doesn't know the answer...
It is important for him to work (I repeat, if he wants, if he has a strong motivation for the result) with a psychologist, to work out topics about his father (drinking or drinking? alive or dead?), about the relationship with an overly controlling mother, for whom he fell into place her "husband"... If you need more detailed information - contact us!
Good answer 5 bad answer 3I don’t know if men came into your life that you can say - sissy?
In the space of these men there is no place for another woman. They are "married" to their mother. You will never be able to overthrow the "mistress" of your chosen one.
Women are often attracted to gentle and kind men. Especially when you are tired of constant loneliness. After all, you really want to feel the warmth of the family hearth. I would like to see a faithful and gentle spouse next to me.
And then the woman meets such a sweet and good ... boy of indeterminate age, behind whom stands his mother like a stone wall. How to recognize this type of man immediately, how to recognize a sissy?
Signs of a sissy
1. As a rule, such men live with their mother for a long time - up to 30-40 years. On the one hand, it is very convenient for them: they do not need to worry about everyday life, take responsibility for their lives, mother will always cook her favorite dishes, she will be glad to please her child, she is ready to listen and give advice. On the other hand, they cannot leave their mother alone.
2. If his mother calls him during a date and says that he is not feeling very well, then he will not hesitate to leave you and run home. Mom is sacred.
3. In a conversation with a sissy, you will often hear the word "mother." “And my mother thinks”, “And my mother thinks”, “And my mother said”, “And my mother ...”. In his stories, the mother is always the heroine. And you will immediately feel it.
4. Such a man is very sensitive to female pressure. As soon as it seems to him that a woman wants to get him, he will be scared. He is not ready to fully emotionally belong to his partner. These men are very dependent on their mothers and are under their influence, and therefore, in their space there is no place for another woman. They are "married" to their mother.
5. In a relationship with a mother, such men do not necessarily, but from time to time a streak of love can be replaced by a surge of irritation and anger. These good boys try to please their mother in everything, but because of constant stress and excitement, one day they do something wrong, because in the depths of their psyche there is a need to relieve tension, to quarrel. Conflicts can be very serious, up to the desire to leave home and start living independently. But usually after 3-4 days the mood of a man changes and everything returns to normal. And the inability to part ways becomes obvious, factors such as:
- unwillingness to lose the usual comfort;
- feeling of guilt for mother's loneliness;
- unresolved housing and material issues.
In a word, there is always something that keeps a sissy near his mother.
Psychological portrait of a good boy
As a rule, sissies are men who are able to maintain and protect their home. They know how to take care of the family, and, despite the fact that almost everything is done for them by their mother, they are able to run the household no worse than a woman. They know how to count money, they choose things thoughtfully, all their purchases are practical. In all their actions, they are focused on praise and approval. They are very sensitive to criticism.
Good boys are raised by gentleman moms. They have a correct idea of life, they are instilled with life and family values. After all, the mother raised her son for herself!
And, of course, they respect their mother very much. Such men are subconsciously afraid of active women. In them they see a kind of shark predators encroaching on their freedom. They are so afraid of falling under female influence that they are suspicious of the very idea of intimacy and marriage. In their souls, they are not aware of the mother's influence on their lives, and it seems to them that they are free enough. Although it is the unconscious experience of a suffocating connection with the mother that causes them fear of the enormous female power. And most importantly, they are not able to resist it.
A man can have a good relationship with his mother, openly show his fear and tender feelings for her, and at the same time be stubborn and resist her will.
Mom, I'll be home late today.
"Son, where are you going?"
I am going to the cinema with my girlfriend today.
- Certainly go. I hope my heart doesn't break tonight
- What is it, Mom?
- Yes, yesterday, before going to bed, something hurt so much.
- Well, you, mom, if anything, call.
And be sure to call. In the middle of a date. And the son will leave the girl and run to save his mother from a heart attack.
Good boys can sometimesopenly express their dissatisfaction with the mother, but nevertheless they still care for her and show concern. In fact, the son plays the role of a husband (beloved man) in a woman's life. Most of all, he is afraid of becoming bad in the eyes of his mother, offending her. But sometimes opposite trends can also appear.
Psychological portrait of the mother of a sissy
These women never had a life of their own. The meaning of their existence is the son. As a rule, these mothers, without hesitation, will sacrifice an interesting job and career for the sake of their sons. Often these are women who failed to build personal happiness. They live alone, and if they have a husband, then his word has no weight and authority in the family. This is a man whom his wife completely suppressed and pushed into the farthest corner. And the son, without realizing it, adopts a maternal attitude towards his father. This is another reason for the lack of masculinity in the character of sissies and fear of family life - he does not want to be as depressed as his father.
The mother never had an emotional connection with her husband. She directed all her love and tenderness to her son. Raising him according to her standards, she eventually got the man of her dreams. Caring and loving, for whom the only purpose of life is to please his mother.
The absence of girlfriends, interesting work and personal life leads to the fact that the son becomes the center of the mother's life. And although in words she wishes him happiness and even makes attempts to introduce him to women, deep down she will never want to give him to another woman. As soon as she feels that their intimacy and emotional connection is under threat, she will do everything to keep everything the same. She will start to get sick, attracting the attention of her son. All sorts of stories will start happening to her. She will hint to her son that this woman is not a match for him. She, like a tigress, will defend her right to own it.
In fact, these are deeply unhappy women, filled with selfishness, whose only goal is to keep their son near them. They look like the Snow Queen who lured Kai into her ice palace.
What awaits a woman with a sissy
First of all, you need to understand that you will never be able to overthrow the "mistress" of your chosen one. She was and always will be his only woman. And woe to you if you cannot befriend his mother and get her to be your allies. But this will be very difficult to do. Because she's not going to share her son with you. For her, you will always be the wrong woman for him. You will always be an insufficiently caring and loving wife and a poor housewife.
Unfair attacks and accusations will be constant, and the most offensive will be that the husband will never take your side, will not protect you. And if you begin to scold his mother, then turn into an enemy in his eyes, with whom, having united with his mother, he will begin to fight.
Sometimes, of course, a good son can buck and quarrel with his mother. Then he can come to you and start complaining about her. And you will have hope for the return of your husband to your family. But in a few days everything will be back to normal.
If you still want to live with such a man, then you need to give up fighting his mother for the right to possess him. You will have to recognize her as the mistress of your family. And you will live by its rules. And if you resist, then sooner or later she will divorce you from her husband. She will try to turn him against you.
You must be a very self-confident woman, self-sufficient and calm about the fact that you will not be in the first place for your husband. You need to accept your secondary role in the family. And it's difficult to do so. This is a rather painful lesson, which not everyone can learn. And is it necessary? You decide.
Another thing is that you may have a question, why did a man “married” to another woman come into your life? Why did you become a member? And why do you need to fight for the right to be the one and only?
Do you want to find female happiness and stop fighting for love? Start with a 2-month course: ""
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
Perhaps there is no such woman who would not be fascinated by a man who loves and respects his mother. We all understand that this is the first woman in his life, so the behavior towards her will later be reflected in relation to other representatives of the fair sex. But a man's sissy is a separate (and sad) story. Here are the signs that allow you to understand that it is he who is in front of you.
Many men develop a wonderful relationship with their mother, many show care and gratitude to her in the usual ways. At the same time, sissy put her on a pedestal, undeservedly idealize and completely depend on her. It would seem that this is not the biggest male flaw. But why then on the women's forums are full of requests for advice and desperate remarks in the spirit of “My husband is a sissy, an egoist and a rag”, “Mine never listens to me, it feels like this sissy is sleeping with his mother, he does everything what will she say! etc. and so on.? Why are so many girls looking for quotes and statuses about mama's sons for social networks in order to express everything that boiled in their hearts?
Yes, a sissy will easily charm you with his kindness, politeness and respect for the fair sex. But to be in the first place in the list of the most important women in his life is almost impossible. Surely this place will forever be staked out for your mother-in-law. Not the most attractive prospect, is it? Fortunately, if a man is a sissy, there are signs by which it is possible, without entering into official relations, to recognize a man who is too dependent on his mother.
How often does he start his speech with the phrase "My mother always said that ..."? A man sissy will not surprise you with a romantic quote from some famous person. But he will constantly insert into your conversations the thoughts of his mother, out of place and in place, because she always knows everything better than anyone.
Yes, indeed, men who have a very warm relationship with their mother show more respect and understanding towards the weaker sex. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with a close relationship between mother and son - but only if it is within the normal range! If your chosen one is constantly on the phone, and in most cases his mother is on the other end of the line, then he certainly belongs to the category of mother's sons. The mothers of these men should know everything about him (and not only) and track every step of their sons. Perhaps in the future such a strong connection between them will become an obstacle and a source of irritation for you.
Between a man and a woman in a love union there are secrets, their little intimate moments. Problems arise when a third party appears in the relationship - the mother. Mom's son has no secrets from her, she knows everything, she knows about your every romantic gesture, any intimate problem. You may not feel it at the beginning of the relationship, but the intervention of a third party slowly destroys the connection.
The psychology of mother's sons is such that they never grow up and do not want to. They always count on the fact that the mother will take care of his affairs, of his things, and will not lift a finger when it comes to doing homework. Even washing their own underwear is not included in their duties. It remains only to sympathize with women whose husband is a sissy. If they want to stay with this person until the end of their lives, they will have to be an ideal replacement for a hardworking and caring mother in everything.
A man who has a very close relationship with his mother will never put you first. If he ever has to choose whose feelings to sacrifice, then, undoubtedly, the choice will not be made in your favor with the words "She's my mother." Even if he knows that his mother is wrong, he will still categorically defend her, no matter what: such is the psychology of a sissy.
Does he constantly compare you? Do you often hear from him: “But my mother cooked differently” or “My mother washed it by hand, not in the machine”? A sissy man will compare everything you do to how his mother did it, and you can be sure: from his point of view, you will never do everything as well as she does.
A sissy will not hesitate to destroy your joint plans if his mother needs it. Each of her desires will be fulfilled with lightning speed and will never allow you to stand in the way of its realization.
Such a person almost never resists anything. He is afraid of conflicts with you like fire and tries to avoid them at all costs, as he once avoided confrontation with his mother. When you need to solve a problem, a sissy husband is like a child who has done something bad. All his life, a representative of this male breed tries not to anger his mother, so he is used to being prudently silent during a dispute.
A person who has built a healthy relationship with his mother knows how to say no and stand his ground. If the partner next to you blindly follows the advice of the mother only because "she knows better" and her word is the law, unfortunately, you are dealing with a sissy. Such individuals, as a rule, are psychologically immature. They never make independent decisions, and even the simplest problems cannot be solved by them without consulting their mother.
Mom's pet is in no hurry to grow up, become independent, including financially, even when the age comes, when it's time to create your own family. He cannot even imagine living separately from his mother and, if he lives alone, then, of course, only a few tens of meters from his parent's home. Such people often do not work, because they are always waiting for something else to get a suitable position. They often aim straight for the director's chair, because their mother deserves it!
If you saw these signs of a sissy in your partners, then the choice - to run or stay - is yours. When you build tactics of behavior with such a man, take it for granted: it will not work to reorient him from his mother to himself.
“You are only mine,” a woman thinks about her husband, meaning that he chose her among other candidates that he met on his life path. But sometimes when one competitive struggle ends - with rivals, a new war begins for the attention of a man - now with his mother. Bad surprise, to say the least. But maybe it still seems to you, and in fact your man is not a sissy? Read our text and check.
Mommy's sons are obtained mainly from very authoritarian women who completely block the initiative and create such a psychological climate that they become the whole world for their child. The result is a situation where the boy cannot decide or do anything without his mother. He must definitely ask if he can, consult, is it worth it. And he does this throughout his life, regardless of age, social status, education and other factors.
The reason for this is overprotection. But the over-protection of an authoritarian mother differs from the over-protection of a mother-cushion, from whose embraces they then break out and run away as far as possible, to build their lives. Here there is a narrowing of the framework to such an extent that the child a priori cannot have his own opinion. The authority of the mother is such that in adulthood her word is the law, her opinion determining. No one can replace a mother - she becomes a vital need: how to breathe, how to eat. Mother is a life-supporting need. Naturally, no woman, no matter how beautiful she may be, will ever take the place of a mother. And, unfortunately, often if the authoritarian mother dies, then the son follows her.
Your man quotes his mother's words too often. And most importantly, he does it with a touch of subservience, as if confirming that his mother's opinion is the ultimate truth. “And my mother said that ...”, “Mom thinks so ...”.
You notice that your chosen one conducts most of the telephone conversations with his mother. They call up several times a day and discuss all burning topics. "Mom" and all derivatives of this word (mommy, mommy, etc.) always comes first or one of the first in the list of recent telephone contacts.
Your man's mom is always aware of your intimate life. There is nothing wrong with discussing your relationship with a partner with your parents, perhaps from the height of your years and with a lot of life experience, they will be able to advise you something. But discussing everything with your mother is more characteristic of the fair sex, and not men.
Mom still buys underwear for your chosen one. Lingerie is so intimate that adults either buy it for themselves or their wives/husbands do it. If his mother still allows herself to buy underwear, clothes for her overgrown son, knows everything about his wardrobe (what lies where, etc.) - this is a reason to think carefully
In disputes, with disagreements, when you express your dissatisfaction with the position of his mother, he is always on her side, and not on yours. Unfortunately, you have to admit that you have no authority, and your man chooses his mother, not you.
He constantly compares you to his mother. And, as a rule, the comparison is always not in your favor: she cooks better, erases, cleans. In general, everything that you do or do not do is viewed through the prism of maternal talents.
Mom's request is the law. Your man may not give a damn about your joint plans, and rushes headlong to his mother to help her. Of course, situations are different, and sometimes help is really needed, but if the situation repeats itself from time to time, and the reasons are not worth a damn, then it turns out that your chosen one is a sissy.
Your chosen one in a difficult situation refuses to take responsibility. It's no secret that women need a strong male shoulder, support and help in word and deed. But in a difficult situation, your man merges, you cannot rely on him, he expects you to do everything and solve the problem, because from childhood he is used to the fact that everything is always decided by his mother.
A man cannot refuse his mother. We sometimes have to say “no” to our loved ones. Psychologists even advise doing this more often to learn how to build your boundaries. Mama's son cannot refuse his mother's request, because there are no boundaries in their relationship - authoritarian submission dominates there.
A man is financially dependent on his mother. Or he still gives her his entire salary, and she gives him an amount to live on. In the first case, even comments are superfluous here, run away from such a man without looking back. In the second - your chosen one still does not feel independent and independent, the advice is the same: run.
What to do if you suddenly discovered that your man, despite all your feelings for him, is a sissy? The choice of whether to stay with a man who has such a complicated and dependent relationship with his mother is definitely up to you and only you.
What do you need to know? The fact that he will never change and will not consider that you are more important than his mother, because the priorities in his head have been set for a long time and forever. You can accept the situation, and if your feelings are so deep, swallowing all the insults, be close to your loved one and his mother. Here you can wish you angelic patience and personal happiness. To accept the situation means to stop all wars with his mother, lay down their arms and surrender completely and unconditionally. If you like to be in a state of constant hostilities - also an option. For those who are tired of the war and want to have a strong shoulder nearby, a real man who you can rely on, behind whom, like behind a stone wall, there is only one advice - look for another man who will meet all your requirements. It is impossible to re-educate an adult, especially if this person is a sissy.
