"Do not make yourself an idol and
no picture of
what's in heaven above, what's on earth below,
and what is in the water below the earth.
Don't worship them and don't serve them..."
Bible
How often do we create idols? We love long-legged models and worship rock singers, imitate famous Hollywood stars in manners and style?!
And all this does not pass for us in vain, because love for an idol is the loss of one's Self, the imitation of someone else's behavior and lifestyle. There is nothing worse than not just admiring someone, but trying to be like him in everything.
Pathological passion, love for this person looks even worse. Hanging it with photos of rooms, attending all the concerts, kissing the photo before going to bed, wishing you good night. All this smells like a specific clinic. Especially if you are over 12 years old.
Of course, I admire many men and women. Like everyone else, I'm bastard from the strange squint of Ian Somerhalder's eyes or the strange manner of Johnny Depp. I admire Nicole Kidman's unique game and Katya Barnabas's long legs. But it all ends when the computer monitor turns off.
My man does not look like a Hollywood actor, does not have a perfect sense of humor, and I am not a luxurious red-haired beast from Moulin Rouge. After all, this is life :).
That is why, if you understand that your love for an idol is developing into a pathology, I recommend using a few of our tips and recommendations. It may not make you fall in love with the Celestial, but it will help you understand that cinema is cinema, and life is a completely different film.
My good friend used to be in love with the lead singer of the Yin-Yang group. It so happened that she was a little familiar with him before his popularity. She was amazed that such a simple-looking person can achieve success in a singing career, know several languages, and have a beautiful inflated body. And often from her lips I heard the phrase “Why do I need someone else? There are people in the world like the singer Ivanov.
BUT. Singer Ivanov has become an excellent result of the work of stylists and makeup artists, image makers and managers. He was brought up on what to say and how to look, which angle is more profitable, and which one is better to hide from annoying cameras.
This is how our idols are born - under the brushes of professionals and from under the line of real masters. And we love this image, we catch every word rehearsed by him and we long to be with such a person.
Did you know that Robert Pattinson, the idol of millions, simply hates washing his hair?! Likes to throw dirty things around the house! But the woman that everyone wants without exception - Mila Kunis never combs her hair and does not paint in everyday life. Having met her on the street, you can simply shy away - it is impossible to recognize the star of the red carpet in her.
Pattinson's tousled curls seem touching to us, but it turns out that this is the result of banal uncleanliness. And putting your hand in such a head of hair is fraught. Suddenly, someone will bite your finger :).
Stars are ordinary people. They eat, go to the toilet and sleep with their mouths open, drooling on the pillow. And I don't see anything sexy and fantastic here. Unless it will turn you on that Brad Pitt's ass was sitting on your home toilet :).
So. Are you tormented by the love of a star and do not know how to overcome it?
But you can also find “+” moments in love for an idol!
I hope that your love for an idol has a rational grain and unconditional logic. That you do not like a beautiful shell, but admire the love of life and perseverance of this person.
Many star guys seem to have been created specifically to break your heart. What to do if "I like" in your head has already outgrown the posters hanging on the wall, and turned into tantrums and sleepless nights? We will help you sort out conflicting feelings towards an idol.
Recently, the whole editorial team of us decided to review Titanic and suddenly remembered how the heart of each of us sank in our school years when Leonardo DiCaprio appeared on the screen. Today we are already adult girls, we managed to review a bunch of films with Leo and, unexpectedly for ourselves, noticed how talented he is able to transform into completely different characters. We noticed how much the first directors of Hollywood love him, and, thinking that we don’t know anything about Leo at all, we decided to get a little acquainted with his biography.
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From it we learned about how long and hard he achieved his success; about how the directors, at first, only noticed his half-brother, and not himself; about how he wanted to get at least some role just to help his mother; about how the girls did not take him seriously and considered him unsympathetic; about how much money he selflessly donates to save wildlife at the present time; and even that Leo's grandmother was Russian. And, suddenly, we saw in him not just the romantic Jack Dawson from the Titanic, because of whom they once roared at night (in fact, like billions of girls around the world) ...
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We saw a man conscientiously doing his job and deservedly achieved success. But if we understood this earlier, how many successes would we have already achieved ourselves, being equal to him? And so, we decided that we would not let you waste your time and made up a few simple rules on how to turn the love of an idol in your favor. If you love this guy so much, then love him right!
Be that as it may, actors in life often do not look like their characters at all - after all, before the “Camera. Motor ”conditional Sherlock spent more than one sleepless night, memorizing his script. And Justin Bieber spent many hours shooting a video in which he is “so-o-o-oh kla-a-a-ass.” Remember: he is a living person and he is a person you do not know. But you know his hero very well, who has clear blue eyes, a soft character, a gentle voice, and who certainly knows how to deal with girls. Or maybe he is a reluctant villain, with a heightened sense of justice, like a character in the TV series Dexter, for example?
There is nothing strange in the fact that you fell in love with a character, the main thing to remember is that in front of you is not a real person, but a set of human qualities and external data necessary to create a full-fledged image.
By the way, we do not at all urge you to take these feelings lightly, on the contrary, they can become the basis for your future relationship, because perhaps it is these personal qualities and external data that you really appreciate in young people. However, do not forget that such a guy that you see on the screen may simply not exist in reality. Cinema is, nevertheless, a fiction, even if it’s close to reality and a guy without flaws like Edward Cullen you definitely won’t meet in your life ... Although, wait, Edward was a vampire!
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Any person, whether he is known to the whole world or not, needs personal space. It is for this simple reason that celebrities do not like to be attacked openly and aggressively. Imagine the situation: you go out into the street, and a completely unknown person tries to “take over” your personal space (moreover, it’s not a fact that you will like him). What will you feel? You will most likely feel uncomfortable. Of course, such a famous guy as he is already used to constant attention, but, believe me, importunity can piss anyone off, even a celebrity, and even the most non-conflict one.
Unfortunately, annoying fans are distinguished by the superpower to violate someone else's personal space at any cost, so the only reaction of a celebrity towards them will be irritation.
Think about whether you want to join a large society of annoying fans or do you want to remain special? Of course, the opportunity to be heard by your idol and become famous all over YouTube due to stupid antics is quite tempting, but is this exactly the kind of fame that you need? Look how terrible the fans looked from the side who started without giving them an autograph. And what did they get? Her attention? We are sure that the school gossip who said nasty things about you will easily receive exactly the same attention. Here is what Lovato wrote in her defense: “I try my best to connect with as many fans as I can until the general hysteria starts. No matter how long I do it, sometimes the crazy yelling and hustling gets really dangerous, and in order not to get hurt and somehow calm the raging crowd, I just go into the room, hoping that my fans will understand everything. Today, two people yelled very rude things at me because I didn't stop and talk to each one in person. It's terrible when this happens. I'm already used to the hate from people, but remember that I am also a living person. So please take your negativity elsewhere."
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It's not that now you have to jump up and shake all the search engines, hoping to find the number of his agent in order to bombard the idol with love confessions by e-mail. You're not a pushy fan, remember? Just read his biography, but only from those sources that you can trust. Of course, you can’t check such information for plagiarism, just be careful and, at the same time, subscribe to it on Instagram if you haven’t already. So you, just, will be able to see a real person, and not a set of qualities, and find out interesting details from his life: how he spends his free time; does he have a family; whether he helps the poor; what he loves and what he can't stand; what you dreamed about in your school years... In fact, this list can be continued endlessly, but the more you learn about your idol, the easier it will be for you to get used to the fact that he is an ordinary person... Well, okay, maybe not quite ordinary, just successful. And by the way, not all star boys in life are as cute as on the screen or, conversely, rude on the screen can be very cute in real life. So, for example, rumors about the boorish behavior of Justin Bieber regularly get into the press, but Tom Felton, unlike his character Draco Malfoy (films about Harry Potter), is a cute cutie in life.
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If he is an actor, study his filmography in Kinopoisk, choose 5 films from there that are different from each other, and watch on a free weekend. So you can understand what exactly attracts you in an idol: the personal qualities of one of his heroes or external data. Often we fall in love with an actor from the first film - the first and, as a rule, the only one, and this prevents us from objectively assessing our feelings. If he is a singer or musician, then, in addition to well-known hits, listen to his independent works, be sure - if you are not impressed, then it's about appearance. So, for example, it was with Zayn Malik, when, after his departure from One Direction, it turned out that many fans did not appreciate his solo work. It turned out that Zane is not at all what the boy band managers wanted him to be. In general, having decided on the root of your love, it will be easier for you to translate it into a productive channel.
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This is exactly what is productive. Now that you already know some details from the real life of your idol, have watched all the films with his participation or listened to all his songs, you can draw your own conclusions. Is he a generous philanthropist and donates a third of his fees to those in need? Take an example from him and help people, only to the best of your ability, of course. He does not have the same roles, but at the same time he plays each one so brilliantly that you are always ready to empathize with him, or does his strong voice not tremble even with active body movements on stage? Looks like the guy has a talent and there's nothing stopping you from opening your own. Did he not give up after 20 failed auditions or after his CD was trampled by a famous music producer? His endurance can be envied, and she can also be inspired. He started out as a courier and recently won an Oscar for Best Actor? A good reason to remember that everything great always starts small. Here, Brad Pitt, to world recognition, walked the streets of the city in a chicken costume and invited visitors to the El Pollo Loco restaurant, Jim Carrey worked as a doorman, and Channing Tatum danced a striptease!
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Admit it, with the advent of an idol in your life, you completely forgot about yourself. Even if you think theoretically: think, can such a successful guy like him like a girl without life guidelines and hobbies? And it's not so much about him, but about yourself. Are you really tempted by the prospect of following another person all your life, actually living his life instead of yours? At the same time, one should not exclude the possibility that interest in the idol will disappear or you will switch to another. In general, whether you love him or not, let's be honest, he is “not hot - not cold” from this, therefore, think about your success, because you have every chance to achieve it.
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We bet you want to meet him in real life. But for this, it’s not enough just to sit and dream, you need to clearly imagine how and under what circumstances you could meet. The easiest way is to imagine that you are a correspondent and you are interviewing him. Now think about what you need for this. Well, firstly, you need to get a journalistic education, secondly, master the skills of a professional interviewer, thirdly, gain journalistic experience, and then, if your idol is a foreigner, then you need to know the language. In general, knowing all these nuances, you can significantly get closer to your dream. Or maybe along the way you will realize that all this is not yours at all and it’s not worth it at all - and this is also completely normal.
You are a deity, you are my idol ... (c)
This is the perfect person! Look how much he has achieved! Look how handsome he is! Thousands of people meditate with his posters (maybe tens of thousands, maybe millions!), he is so good! All funds are free and not very much - they are spent on a new poster, a sticker or ... a concert, a book, a film.
Have you ever fallen in love with a famous person? Truth? Never at all? What if you don't lie to yourself?
To many, from the height of past years, this strange love seems childish. But someone didn't leave! And then, at twenty, twenty-five, the collection of information continues, nightly sighs over an alluring portrait and strange dreams: “We are definitely meant for each other, I feel it.”
We are not like everyone else. Moreover, everyone is not like everyone else. Personalities, individualities, special. Yes, the object of love simply cannot resist ... Just grow up! Just meet! Indeed, one glance is enough for him to understand ...
Basically, this, of course, is the lot of girls - to suffer for a handsome actor, hugging his photo and dreaming of being next to him. From the age of thirteen, when a child becomes a girl, many actively fall in love with the inaccessible and build themselves visual sand castles.
Fall in love with a picture, a voice. They start collecting newspaper clippings (before), subscribe to pages on social networks (now). Despite the fact that already today many quite quickly find a way directly to the artist and write and write letters to him in electronic handwriting, sprinkled with virtual spirits.
And they suffer, not getting an answer, they even hysteria. Sometimes. And seriously fall in love. In a person who is actually completely unknown. In an image. Into the picture. In talent.
Not every one of us is capable of any feelings for an idol. It is for feelings, not yet fanaticism, but already on the verge (you can talk about fangirls, and talk, and talk). Many of us condemn such attachment, not realizing that a person is really suffering, making some kind of plans and may well change his life in order to get to an idol. There are known cases of going out to relatives and subsequent disappointment in the object of love.
There are cases of suicide attempts on the basis of this "love".
What to do? With your child? Or what should you do yourself if you have a persistent and obsessive desire to be with an inaccessible person (in most cases it is generally not clear what to do after the meeting)?
And what is the reason for such jumps?
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, clearly differentiating people by vectors (basic characteristics), provides answers to all these questions. The fact is that not everyone is really capable of “falling in love” at a distance, especially with an idol. We are talking about five percent of the lucky owners of the visual vector.
Spectators are especially emotional. The highest value and meaning of part-time life for them is love. At the same time, not all of them know how to love. Clinging to pictures, speeches, dozens and hundreds of read articles, a person completes the image of his “beloved”, turning it into an idealized picture. And sincerely falls in love with this picture, in which there is little left of a real person.
Why stars?
Everything is very simple. These are people who are in plain sight, who are "pleasant to the eye." They have the opportunity to watch. Their personal life is available to everyone. Pictures, pictures, pictures, rumors.
Watching the same video for hours, looking into the eyes, looking for something special, something magical, something ... some kind of sign. We, the spectators, are very greedy for signs and sacredly believe in them. What are you... Everything is serious and for real with us.
When the object of "feelings" surrounds you day and night, both in a dream and at school, an emotional connection with it is established quite strong. Although, as practice shows, it is easily interrupted by real relationships and a real person.
Yes, they are capable of serious feelings for this picture, of hysteria, of some gestures towards the idol. It is the spectators that we see at concerts, throwing details of clothing onto the stage, climbing to the object of their passion and love ... In the heat of ecstasy, a star can be torn to pieces, but this is already a clinic.
Such a state of hysteria, obsession, is characteristic of the underdevelopment of the visual vector. To get out of it, it is necessary, accordingly, to develop the vector.
When the vector is not developed, a person is overwhelmed with fears and phobias. They "frighten" the object, hysteria, require attention. You can’t wait for this from an idol, as a result, hysteria goes beyond all boundaries.
The opposite of fear is love. It can be reached only and exclusively by pushing fear outward. Through compassion. Cry! Watch sad, life films, read heartfelt and realistic stories. Have compassion. Help someone who is worse off than you.
These are not biblical scriptures. This is a real tool that works. Yuri Burlan tells more about fear and love, about painful states in love and ways to overcome them at a lecture on the visual vector.
In the meantime, listen to what Aliya says about her fears, their manifestation and the state of love that came after getting rid of fears:
this might help you The portal is dedicated to the mental and physiological health of a person
LOVE TO TO THE FAR IDOL, or LEGAL MADNESS
"My daughter fell in love with a famous singer. I would never have thought that I could meet this rabid fanaticism in my girl - it seems to be such a smart girl, an excellent student, the pride of the whole family, obedient, affectionate, and suddenly - some madness! Posters on the walls, new cassettes every day - and for all this, by the way, he asks me for money. And every day she runs to her new girlfriends, who are just as crazy on this singer. At first we thought it would pass, then we tried to share this hobby. We went to a concert of this singer together (because of this, I had to postpone the purchase of new shoes). But nothing has changed, it has only gotten worse. Everything she does at home, she does to the tape recorder, from which this damned buffoon is torn. I tried to explain to her that this was unintelligent, but she did not want to listen! Her father tried to talk to her - they say, listen, what this favorite of yours sings about, what is the point in all these songs - so the daughter, instead of logically reasoning, threw a tantrum! If I try to talk to her, plugs her ears with her hands: When it’s on TV, she kicks everyone out of the room, kneels at the screen, sobs, tears her hair out: We tried to take her to the doctor, but she just ran away from home and said that if my father and I still try to do something, she will cut her veins. Recently, she came home and announced from the threshold that she managed to get HIS autograph. God, some kind of incomprehensible squiggle on someone else's pack of cigarettes - and THAT my daughter cherishes like the apple of her eye! I just felt ashamed of her: And most importantly - again, money! Either to a concert, or on tour after him - with the same crazy fans, then posters, then CDs: and when I said that I could not finance this hobby, she replied that she would jump out of the window. And the truth almost jumped out. What to do?! I can't watch calmly as my child quietly goes crazy: "
Natalya Sergeevna, 40 years old
Such manifestations of "love for idol"(and it doesn't matter to which one - an athlete, a singer, a politician) - the phenomenon is quite frequent. And their essence is clear in principle - young people in this way simply learn to love "for real" - and choose (often unconsciously) the famous (and therefore unattainable ) object to love, if you like, guaranteed not to be mutual. Adolescents do not yet know - if they will be answered love What to do with this reciprocity? Therefore, to love a distant idol is "not scary" to some extent. Besides, it was easier to imagine him exactly the way you want...
Such dreams, leading away from real communication with the opposite sex, are absolutely natural, and more often for teenage girls (who often develop attraction earlier than boys). Roughly speaking, almost every girl at least once will get sick with a similar feeling - just like measles or chickenpox. But just as with similar childhood illnesses, in the case of such love, it is very important for parents to act psychologically competently, otherwise complications cannot be avoided.
And since the object does not live in a neighboring yard and you can safely give vent to your emotions, the manifestations of feelings in such adolescents are especially vivid. And there is nothing dangerous in the fact that when she watches the desired shots, she kicks everyone out of the room - she quite naturally wants to be alone with her beloved, even if he is only on the TV screen. And her "hysteria" is just an outlet for accumulated emotions.
But there is also another side. During this age period, socialization in society is very significant for boys and girls - and in particular, in their circle of friends. If a teenager in a family is a respected "team member", if his opinion is listened to, if he is taught how to communicate adequately with peers and knows his worth, then manifestations of "fanaticism" do not arise at all or, in extreme cases, proceed much softer and end faster. And the most violent manifestations are found precisely in such children as the heroine of this situation - "quiet, clever and pride of the household." Surely these households simply "patronized" the girl - they love her as their toy, and not as an independent person with their own opinions and desires. Therefore, some singer or actor is just an "entry ticket" to some significant group of peers for her. If you want, the fact that a tape recorder is constantly working in her room with records of her "beloved" is not only a desire to listen to the voice of her idol, but also an unconscious reminder that she is not alone, that she has friends somewhere, communication with which it is "tied" to this singer. Pay attention - the tape recorder is constantly spinning at HOME: maybe because it is there that the girl most acutely feels her loneliness?
Well, actually, it's not surprising. After all, household members, declaring a desire to understand her, in fact, as if in mockery, do the opposite. Feelings for idol- this is a set of some emotions, there is no logic here. And if you want to talk about something in this area with a child - speak HIS language! Why get up on the other side of the barricades in the first place? Do you think a girl will listen to your words if you start by a priori scolding her "beloved" and criticizing him for how much? Yes, you went to a concert with your daughter, but for sure you just “checked in” there, without talking later about what you saw and heard, while also lamenting a couple of times about shoes not bought on this occasion ...
And it’s pointless to frankly mock the songs that the idol performs - firstly, the girl will perceive any mockery of him as an insult against her and will initially turn against you in a conversation, and secondly, she, in her emotional outburst, sometimes does not hear the words of these songs! For her, the very sound of the voice of her favorite singer is important, and what he sings about there is not important ...
Therefore, the most reasonable moves in such situations are:
Do not declare understanding, but understand! Including understand the value of a fleeting autograph on a pack of cigarettes - after all, in the environment in which your child now rotates (and for the sake of which, in principle, he became interested in his idol), such acquisitions determine the position of the child himself on the internal "hierarchical ladder"!
· Do not scold the idol, but ask him to teach you to love and understand this idol. Even if you want to criticize the words of his songs, put the question differently: "Do you want to know more about him, about his thoughts, mood, feelings? Then let's listen to WHAT he sings about - because every singer first of all chooses exactly those songs that the content is close to his own experiences: “Then, perhaps, the girl will see that either her idol does not have any special thoughts and experiences, or they are dedicated to some other person ...
· Moreover, it is dangerous to deprive a teenager of money for disks, posters and trips by directive methods. Indeed, at the height of emotions, the case can end in demonstrative suicide. But it is possible in another way: let the child earn on it himself! Finally, love, they say, not only sighs on the bench, but also overcoming difficulties ... Of course, this does not mean that the child needs to be kicked out into the street with cries of "earn money wherever you want": no, here you can very well show reason and logic and help for his underage child to get, say, a post office delivering newspapers or washing floors in the nearest office. At the same time, of course, everything that the child earns there is inviolable for you! Let it be a purely symbolic payment, but it may well go to every penny to buy the works of an idol.
· By the way, another positive side effect is also possible here: communicating in a work team, a child (especially if he has responsibility and the beginnings of ambition) can fully socialize to the fullest,
And then communication with the former environment will become irrelevant, manifestations of fanaticism will weaken, or even disappear altogether ...
I wonder what is it about celebrities, public figures, that excites their fans so passionately? Just think, they are even elevated to the rank of idols. And this is hardly solely for the reason that they simply like their work, whether it be singing, brilliant roles or a high-class football game. We are driven by the desire to penetrate into the smallest details of their personal lives, and the more personal it is, the more satisfaction is experienced.
To the delight of the fan army, today there is a huge booming industry that is ready to gladly satisfy the demands of the public, selling them the ins and outs of life and the "dirty laundry" of celebrities. The well-known overseas glossy "People" has an audience of over 4.5 million readers a week. Domestic publications, of course, are a little more modest in scope, but it is the “yellow press” that is the most massive today anywhere in the world. And on the Web, the most visited resources are just from this information niche. Television does not lag behind, which is literally teeming with low-grade programs and shows about the life of public figures, with pleasure feeding the grateful viewers another portion of sensational star mud. Our lives are catastrophically filled with gossip from all sides, and the most frightening thing is that a huge number of people are ready to spend their time and money on this.
Worship of stellar persons for some time began to be considered as. This phenomenon was even given a name " celebrity cult syndrome- "compulsive addiction disorder, in which a person becomes involved in the details of the personal life of celebrities." As with any mental disorder, this ailment has several levels of intensity. There are fans, so to speak, non-violent ones, for whom it is enough just to be in the know to satisfy. Active fans feel the need to be closer to the object of veneration: attending events with the participation of a star, touring cities, autographs, photographs, etc., and touching a pet is the peak of euphoria.
Much more dangerous is the category of violent fans, among which there are unbalanced, but at the same time not dangerous for others representatives and socially dangerous elements. World history knows a lot of cases when rabid fans laid hands on themselves, learning something unpleasant for themselves about their celestial. Sad facts are also known when public figures suffer or even die due to the fault of inadequate fans. And although most of us are still far from such extremes, it is impossible to deny the existence of a mental deviation of this kind. According to the latest research by the British University of Liecester, 36% of the inhabitants of Foggy Albion suffer from such a mental disorder.
Fascination with celebrities is one of the colossal means of profit. Of course, not for the fans themselves, but for enterprising minds who make a lot of money on the love of fans. No need to go far: everyone who has been knows how much all kinds of souvenirs and things with the performer's attributes cost. The price is several times higher than the real cost, but they are buying, and on what a grand scale! Yes, even without mass events there is something to cash in on: it is enough to stick the image of a popular person on any trinket.
Many companies use big star names and faces to promote their product or service. An item advertised by a celebrity invariably gains more credibility than one presented by an unknown person. Of course, the chewing gum that the star chews on public display will now be chewed by her entire army of thousands of fans.
And the celebrities themselves (or at their suggestion) do not shy away from getting their hands on the fans. Personal collections of clothes or shoes, jewelry, perfumes, cosmetics, etc. A true fan will literally consider it his duty to acquire a thing that is lovingly created by the mind of his pet. Even if in fact the idol only gave the go-ahead to name these sandals after him and receives a fee for this.
What is the reason why a person who was lucky enough to grab his piece of the popularity pie is put on such a high idol pedestal? Yes, he was a little more fortunate than others, but at its core, every star is an ordinary business person. He has a certain product - a song or a film, which is offered to the public. Our right to buy it or not, accept it or reject it, love it or be indifferent. And this ordinary sale and purchase transaction does not carry absolutely any prerequisites for drawing a halo over your head.
It seems that the baker from the neighboring confectionery, who bakes unsurpassed delicious buns, makes no less contribution to our life than, for example, a famous artist. But for some reason we don’t deify him, we don’t make ideal demands on him, we don’t climb into his bed with a camera and we don’t grab his head in horror if he suddenly gained excess weight or put on a tasteless apron. He does not have to be a role model, his main task is to please us. But even if at some point he offers the buyer a burnt bun or decides to do something else, we will just change the candy store, without making a tragedy out of it and without fanning a sensation. He doesn't owe us anything!
So why don't we understand that a public person is the same simple person, with a set of the same limbs and organs. Yes, famous, popular, successful, beautifully packaged, wealthy, but still a person. They live the same ups and downs, fears and joys, successes and problems, like each of us. Our assessment of these people should be solely in the ability to please us with their work.
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