“... The fact is that 7 years ago my husband died, there is a child. I work, I earn good money, in short, I am independent, I do not need anyone. It so happened that all these years I did not meet with anyone, despite the fact that many people like me and look good. Some two weeks ago, at work in the office, they celebrated the birthday of my girlfriend and a friend came to us, he doesn’t work with us, but we work in the same area. He sat down next to me and began to take care of me, not even letting his hands through, touching his legs, I dodged him as best I could, I didn’t want to swear, especially in front of everyone, just a very influential person. After that evening, he began to appear often exactly where I am. One evening, I was sitting at home, he called and asked for a meeting, like talking. I went out to talk, got into the car, talked about nothing. I somehow relaxed, evening, day off. He said he wanted to take me around the city, I agreed. We were driving, laughing, talking, feeling it, in the end it was not clear where and ..... I didn’t understand what it was, he just didn’t give the word to say, he attacked me when I jumped out of the car, I even have blood on the dress was. He took me home calmly, I didn’t say a word and left. And he just disappeared. I haven’t slept for a week, I don’t eat, it’s embarrassing to say to someone, and if you tell anyone, they will say it’s your own fault and he is very influential. He just acted like a bedding and did not even ask for forgiveness. I have always been respected by everyone and have a very high opinion of me, and now I have a feeling that since I have been alone for so many years, it means that I am easily accessible.
I would like to draw your attention to a few points. The first is the fact that stops the victim from going to the police. This is the same “why did you get into the car if you didn’t want anything?”.
Both the perpetrator and the victim, and you and I understand that this fact will really raise questions, both among the police and the society, if the story becomes public. This question will be asked to the woman, insisting that she "she wanted to." However, it is important to emphasize one nuance. If the girl really wanted something, then definitely not violence.
She may have wanted kisses under the moonlight. Or confessions. Or marriage proposals. Or a wonderful night in a hotel full of caresses (I admit that she might have had such an idea). Or just a private conversation. I got the same - a dirty and painful use of my body, feeling like a thing worse than a doormat. She suffered both morally and physically, and she neither verbally nor mentally agreed to this.
To think that if a woman got into a car, now you can do whatever you want with her because she supposedly agrees - a crime. Exactly the same crime as inviting a person for an interview, and on the basis that he came there, take away his passport and use him as a slave. He himself came!
There is no crime in offering sex to a girl who has agreed to a car ride. That would be hypocrisy. But rudely and with the use of force, despite the obvious refusal to take possession of her body - this is a clear crime.
Why didn’t the “big boss”, an intelligent and influential person who is well versed in society, talk to the girl, invite her to meet and even ask how exactly she loves, but just rudely raped her?
Here ears grow from another myth, which is very tenacious in our society. This is a myth that a woman cannot express her consent, and never does (apparently because she never wants sex). The myth that a woman needs to be “pushed”, pushed, forced, at worst, simply taken by force, which the man did. That is, he could not even imagine that it was possible not to “push”, not to rape, but to make love by mutual agreement. After all, otherwise, if he really considered himself a rapist, he would prefer to get rid of the victim and the evidence, and not take her home.
The terrifying myth that "no is yes" is sometimes supported by women themselves, who are afraid to express their desires openly. But it is better for a man to remember that it is better to leave one smart-ass impatience without sex than to rape one innocent girl. You start to think that the controversial laws on mandatory consent, adopted, for example, in Sweden, or, more recently, in Spain, are not so controversial after all. After all, some may interpret as consent the fact that the girl does not run away briskly enough. Or not very loud. A clear "yes" is better.
And the third moment that allowed a man to act so low and vile is his confidence in his exclusive permissiveness. Still, the voices of feminists and victims of sexual violence still sound very weak in our country. Much weaker than the voices whitewashing the rapist. Therefore, the scoundrel knows perfectly well that the majority of society, in which case, will be on his side. And the victim will not run to the police - he will be afraid of condemnation. And this is the worst thing.
WITH and lea hands that cannot be resisted, the heavy breathing of an excited beast
and a fierce battle in which he wins, assertive, domineering, persistent - each of us has played this scenario in our heads many times with various variations. Hollywood is resting!
Psychologists say that women who experienced a lack of fatherly love most often think about this.
I can’t agree with this, because before my eyes is an example of a friend from a completely prosperous family, in which parents carried each other in their arms and blew dust off their daughter. She idolized her father, however, quite rightly, but in her diary she described how a courtyard hooligan took her by force. I happened to read these records - it's something, I tell you! I, a very experienced girl in love affairs, could not even read many moments, because my hair stood on end! The bully never found out what opportunity he had lost, and the girlfriend soon successfully married a successful businessman and settled at home. She continues to dream about the onslaught that she wrote about in her diary, only now her husband has become the hero of her dreams, to whom, of course, she does not admit this,
But in vain. Because to feel a strong passion with your beloved man is a double pleasure!
Maybe we dream of becoming victims of this kind of action because only at such moments can we feel like real women - weak, fragile, sometimes helpless? We are so tired of playing the role of strong, self-confident, self-sufficient ladies that sometimes we want to throw off this mask of emancipe and completely surrender to the power of the wild uncontrollable element of male desire! Swim in the stream of animal passion, feeling like a toy in the hands of someone who is stronger than you.
But what about tenderness? some will ask. I personally do not mind tenderness. But sometimes you just want unbridledness and primitive savagery, you want to resist and be defeated in the arms of men. I want to obey a man, feeling his powerlessness to change anything. Just surrender to this hurricane of passion that sweeps away everything in its path ...
If men in life were men, and not squishy and sissy, perhaps we would have other dreams. But, alas, most of the representatives of the stronger sex are not able to take a woman by force, their primitive instinct went limp, fell asleep, atrophied. When I told my MCH that I dream of being taken by force, he was shocked, deciding that I was crazy about browsing sites with three "x". From that moment on, our relations became cooler, and then completely withered. He thought I was a pervert.
However, I'm still quite a young interesting woman and quite possibly my overbearing superhero is somewhere waiting for me to make my dream come true. I foresee outraged comments, but Grandpa Freud agrees with me. Wouldn't you argue with Freud, who knew a lot about female sexuality?
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Think about how much your height in a pickup truck depends on what girls tell you? How often did your behavior in a relationship depend not on your desire, thoughts and plans, but on what the girl inspired in you? Should I ask the girl in the future about her desires, about sex? Most of us guys will have to admit with regret that often the reasons for our actions are not dictated by our desires, but born in the head of a woman who was nearby at that moment. Most of the guys from childhood are used to considering women the same people as we, men, are. We were instilled with the habit of obeying our mother, grandmother, teacher at school, taking their thoughts and desires for our own, and often even putting them above our own desire or need.
Don't think that I don't like women or think they are worse than men. Not at all. I love women, I love them very much, otherwise you wouldn't be reading these lines now. And it is this love that gradually drives a man in an effort to know the essence of female behavior, to unravel its mysteries and secrets, to find out the whole truth. And the sad truth is that the one who obeys the fair sex in everything in a relationship is written down by them as weaklings and very often has big problems in his personal life. Girls will never desire a good boy as much as an independent stubborn one who plays by his own rules. There are plenty of examples.
Women are smart and stupid, mediocre and talented, just like men. No matter what they say about funny female logic, many women will give odds to any man here. And it is true. But! And here I, I hope, will not reveal a secret for you, but simply reduce to a common denominator everything that you yourself noticed in women's behavior, words, whims. Have you ever paid attention to the fact that even the most intelligent and talented people lose all their minds when it comes to the sphere of personal relationships? Why did a smart, well-read and logically infallible botanist and his female synonym - a crammer, a girl who is called "bluestocking", become a symbol of unfortunateness in their personal lives for young people? What I'm talking about now applies to us guys as well. But for lovely ladies, this is especially true.
One of the first mistakes of a novice pikaper is that he transfers the property of female intelligence and equality to the male sex from the sphere of domestic and official relations to the path of love. It seems to an inexperienced person that the best way to find out the desires of a person, his readiness for one or another of your actions will be a directly asked question. In real life, yes. But not in matters of love. This is the reason for many failures in the process of seduction. You start asking the girl's opinion, listening to her answers. At the same time, you rely on logic and think that if a girl went on a date with you and she likes you, then to your natural question, is it possible to kiss her, she must answer in the affirmative. What a cruel disappointment awaits you if you do so! In most cases, the answer to this question is a resounding no. This behavior of yours can become a serious obstacle to sex in the future, for example, after a series of dates you invite a girlfriend to your house and declare that it's time to have sex. Do you think that the matter is in the ointment, since she meets with you, and your passion will definitely agree to your proposal to please each other and get closer even more. Instead, you get a resounding slap in the face or hear an indignant exclamation: “What are you doing! I'm not like this!" At best, you will be reproachfully informed that it is still early and you will feel like a beggar, over whose outstretched hand they held a hundred dollars, but never threw it.
At the same time, the girl will want kisses, sex and communication absolutely as much as you do, but in matters of intimate relationships, nature greatly distorts her behavior and logic. Hormones are seething in the blood, taking the form of pride, inaccessibility, flirting and similar female things. In fact, all this is aimed at attraction and rejection at the same time. Nature thereby tests you for strength, the presence of a male core, independence, the ability to take on obstacles. Strength and determination are expected from the male, while the female is the prey in this game. Does anyone in nature ask the opinion of the victim? No. Acting not on your own, like a strong male, but begging for permission to kiss a girl, you put yourself on her level, lowering yours. The owner will not ask permission for anything, but simply take it.
If you think that your "impudent" attempts to kiss or have sex will anger the girl or make her flee, then I feel sorry for you, you will not see sex for a long time, like your ears. Of course, some girls will react negatively to your advances, but with the right preparation of the ground and beautiful courtship, the strategy of "act without asking permission" will lead you to success in seduction soon enough. If you walk around with your hand outstretched, begging for sex as handouts, then you will be lucky only by chance.
Well, quickly remember a couple of stories where the heroine would be wildly delighted and excited by the character, constantly asking her opinion and begging for kisses. Does not work? There are no such stories. The world is full of love tales about guys who made girls feel like real women, awakened all their tenderness, and never once did these heroes of female dreams ask permission to kiss, undress or touch a lady.
Thus, constantly consulting with a partner about relationships and wondering if it is possible to do this and that, you will definitely sooner or later fall into the category of insecure sissies, cute boys with whom they are friends and allow you to carry a briefcase on the road from school. But you will never be seen in erotic dreams, they will not whisper about you with their friends. (You can learn a lot more about seduction by reading the book "the game" by Neil Strauss.)
I hope you have learned a useful lesson from all that has been said. When courting, the main indicator of the correctness of your actions in relation to a girl should not be her words, but your feeling of comfort and, first of all, you should obey him. In most cases, when you feel good and have fun, the companion next to you experiences very similar emotions. And vice versa, if a kvass with a sour face sits next to you, you will not have the desire to kiss her or drag her to you. Resisting your harassment, but not going away, agreeing to new meetings with you, a woman gives you carte blanche, longs to see your determination, how you want her and whether you can lead her. And if you do not ask, but confidently lead her after you, then one will give you both her hand, her heart, and her body.
"Naughty and spoiled boys engage in violence all the time. Another thing is that girls are silent. If only because if you are capricious, spoiled, and you have influential parents, the girl will not be able to prove and do anything"
We have been friends with Kostya since we were 11 years old. Kostya comes from a wealthy family. Mom is the head physician of the hospital, dad graduated from MGIMO. They also wanted to send Kostya there, but he actively resisted and went to the chemistry department of Moscow State University.
Kostya is lucky with girls. In general, Kostya is cool. He can tell a banal anecdote in such a way that you laugh and wipe your tears with your sleeve. He is fond of photography and we often travel with him to the Moscow region to take pictures. He finds interesting places, some old estates, abandoned houses.
Yesterday I met Kostya, discussed the girl he likes now. Kostya is very interested in her: a status girl, beautiful (long-legged blonde, such Kostya always liked), but at the same time modest and shy, she studies at the Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University. Kostya believes that shyness is such a tactic to attract men. He says that they are especially pecking at these now, penetrating blondes are not in fashion now.
“I’m so jealous of her that it hurts my teeth,” Kostya confesses, “but she doesn’t seem to understand this.
- She plays with me, but I don't like when they play for a long time, - Kostya continues.
- So what does she want? I ask.
- And who knows. She introduced me to her friends, and we walked, holding hands, like two lovers. But I'm a man, I can't take this long, you know? We are people of action, we will not walk for a long time holding hands. And when I start hinting at sex to her, or move on to specific actions, she freezes. And how long will I last?
- What did you get into her? Switch your attention to another object if the girl is at an age when she needs walks with you by the arm, and not a bed. Maybe she wants to show you to her girlfriends more than to be with you?
And then Kostenka looks from the TV to me, turns purple and says in a whistling whisper:
So she's cheating on me? Then I'll have to check it for lice.
- What is it like? - I ask.
And then, on the good-natured face of my friend and good guy, an ugly smile appears that I have never seen before, and he says a phrase after which my vision of this world was shaken.
"If she doesn't give it to me willingly, I'll take it by force," my friend told me.
And then Kostya turned away with an indifferent look, as if this was normal for him.
I returned home, and I was haunted by this voice of his: "I will take her by force."
I thought, have I always judged criminals in the wrong way? For me, a rapist is such an evil maniac, exhibitionist type, who is fond of spoiling girls, and who must be kept either in a maximum security prison or in a cage and shown to little boys so that they do not take an example from him. And here it turns out that a good guy, my friend, can become a rapist, because he thinks that the girl is deceiving him.
Men, is it really one step from misunderstanding to violence? Is it easy to commit a crime?
Ladies, have you experienced this? Do you think that a rapist lives in any man, even if he is kind, sweet and charming?
Elena M. Moscow
Let me clarify the topic. It’s not about when a potential sex partner delays the moment of rapprochement and plays “cat and mouse” with you, either agreeing to sit on your knees, or suddenly remembering that she has to get up early tomorrow and it’s time to probably call Taxi. And about situations when your regular girlfriend, whom you have repeatedly seen without panties and from different angles, decides to play hard-to-get: she starts dodging caresses and kisses, squeezing her legs, etc. Which, frankly, is not such a rare scenario. I even had a question on this topic from a reader in the "For advice" section:
“In my practice, I met a lot of girls who liked to resist in sex. I even married one. So, I had to take my wife almost by force. No, without assault, of course, but freestyle wrestling skills helped a lot. Tell me, why do girls have such a mania? I think a lot of them like it,” Moore asks.
Of course, Moore slightly turned down about “mania” (although in nature there really are girls who are not nice to ordinary, peaceful sex, so they arrange military operations from each copulation - but this is more an exception than a rule). However, there is definitely some truth in the words of the young man ... I share my thoughts about why girls might like sex with elements of resistance, and against the background of which we are usually drawn to such things.
Surely, you yourself are familiar with this state: when the day is set, there is a lot of energy, you want to jump, run and do push-ups at the same time (and you are too lazy to trudge to the gym). In this case, it is not enough just to actively copulate. The soul requires some kind of drive, intrigue, provocation. And in this case, the game "Come on, catch up!" and “Caught up? Now open my thighs!” - that's it.
Sex as the final chord of a quarrel is one of my favorite varieties of sex. But the transition from waving frying pans to waving thongs is usually complicated by the fact that the offended party (in 99.9% of cases, a girl) cannot immediately take it and capitulate like that, as if nothing had happened. It's you who will stop taking her vzbryki seriously.
Well, or, let's say, no quarrel has really started yet, but she walks and frowns her eyebrows with inspiration, purses her lips and mentally calls you artiodactyl. You, as befits a wise man, take the first step towards rapprochement - and what should she do? She needs to tease you. Marinate. shove. As befits a wise woman. Sex with elements of resistance is a great way to get rid of accumulated aggression, and at the same time make it clear to you that forgiveness (and with it access to the body) must be earned.
If Alzheimer in old age does not threaten everyone, then intimacy is started according to the principle: "Well, let's have sex?" - “Well, yes, you can” - this is what awaits every couple sooner or later. And even if this is not said out loud, it does not change the essence: there is sex, but it is somehow ... non-sexual. As if two sluggish seals decided to rub against each other in tender places.
And without research by British scientists, it is clear that the situation is largely due to the fact that you have satisfied your “hunting instinct”. A woman snoring next to you is not a coveted prey, but a given. But as soon as she begins to slip out of your lustful paws, all your instincts instantly come to life. And now, you are no longer a couple of seals, but two lean cheetahs, roaring and roaring at each other.
The human libido is arranged in such a cunning way that many of us, perhaps without realizing it, act out some “scenarios” from the past in bed. According to psychologists, if a girl is happy to furnish almost every intimacy as martial arts, the legs of such strange behavior can grow from her first sexual experience.
After all, if you think about it, even the most “peaceful” scenarios of defloration, as a rule, contain some element of coercion: men insist, persuade, push us to bed, and we, in turn, resist, but, ultimately, give in. And it happens that in a woman this image is literally imprinted in the brain. She can experience pleasure only if she hands over the reins to a partner. “She is not guilty” - they took her, conquered, conquered. And the less such a person allegedly controls the situation, the more vivid orgasms she visits.
Sometimes we girls start playing "touchy" because we are asking for rough sex. Few people turn their tongues to say: “I want you to take me by force,” so we are trying to stage the desired situation. And I won't lie: it turns me on. Sometimes even more than ordinary sex, when the partner whispers all sorts of tenderness in your ear and caresses us as if we were made of porcelain or something even more fragile.
Instead, I want him to push us against the wall or knock us to the floor, bite into the elastic of our panties and twist our wrists so that it even hurts a little. By the way, about the pain. In one smart book on BDSM, I came across a mention of the so-called “endorphin theory”, which explains why people generally get high from abuse. It's all about the release of endorphins ("happiness hormones"), with which the human body reacts to painful sensations. In short, you may not be a BDSM player, but such games are almost always a flurry of new sensations and a splash of a whole cocktail of hormones.
