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Mikhail Evgrafovich Saltykov-Shchedrin
The story of how one man fed two generals

Once upon a time there were two generals, and since both were frivolous, they soon, at the behest of a pike, at my will, found themselves on a desert island.

The generals served all their lives in some kind of registry; there they were born, brought up and grew old, therefore, they did not understand anything. They didn’t even know any words, except: “accept the assurance of my perfect respect and devotion.”

The registry was abolished as unnecessary and the generals were released into the wild. Left behind by the state, they settled in St. Petersburg, in Podyacheskaya Street, in different apartments; each had his own cook and received a pension. Only suddenly they found themselves on a desert island, woke up and saw: both were lying under the same blanket. Of course, at first they did not understand anything and began to talk as if nothing had happened to them.

- Strange, Your Excellency, I had a dream today, - said one general, - I see that I live on a desert island ...

He said it and all of a sudden he jumps up! Another general also jumped up.

- God! yes, what is it! Where are we! Both cried out in unnatural voices.

And they began to feel each other, as if not in a dream, but in reality such an opportunity happened to them. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves that all this was nothing more than a dream, they had to be convinced of the sad reality.

In front of them on one side was the sea, on the other side lay a small piece of land, behind which was the same boundless sea. The generals cried for the first time after they closed the registry.

They began to examine each other and saw that they were in nightgowns, and on their necks hung an order.

- Now it would be good to drink coffee! - said one general, but he remembered what an unheard-of thing had happened to him, and for the second time he began to cry.

What are we going to do, though? he continued through tears. - If you now write a report - what good will come of it?

- That's what, - answered another general, - go you, your excellency, to the east, and I will go to the west, and in the evening we will meet again at this place; maybe we'll find something.

They began to look for where the east is and where the west is. They remembered how the chief once said: if you want to find the east, then stand with your eyes to the north, and in your right hand you will get what you are looking for. They began to look for the north, stood this way and that, tried all the countries of the world, but since they had served in the registry all their lives, they did not find anything.

- Here's what, Your Excellency; you go to the right, and I to the left; that way it will be better! - said one general, who, in addition to the registry, also served in the school of military cantonists 1
He served ... in the school of military cantonists - in the school for soldiers' sons. Such schools were created under Peter I. They existed until 1856. Their regime was extremely harsh.

Calligraphy teacher and therefore smarter.

No sooner said than done. One general went to the right and saw that trees were growing, and there were all sorts of fruits on the trees. The general wants to get at least one apple, but they all hang so high that they have to climb. I tried to climb - nothing came of it, I just tore my shirt off. The general came to the stream, he sees: the fish there, as if in a cage on the Fontanka, are teeming and teeming.

“Here, if only some kind of fish and on Podyacheskaya!” - thought the general, and even his face changed from appetite.

The general went into the forest - and there the hazel grouse whistled, the black grouse lek, the hares ran.

- God! some food! some food! - said the general, feeling that he was already starting to feel sick.

There was nothing to do, I had to return to the agreed place empty-handed. He comes, and another general is already waiting.

“Well, Your Excellency, have you provided something?”

- Yes, I found the old issue of Moskovskie Vedomosti 2
Moskovskie Vedomosti is a reactionary newspaper edited by N. Katkov in the 70s and 80s.

And nothing more!

The generals went to bed again, but they could not sleep on an empty stomach. Either they are worried about who will receive a pension for them, or they recall the fruits they saw during the day, fish, hazel grouse, black grouse, hares.

- Who would have thought, Your Excellency, that human food in its original form flies, swims and grows on trees? one general said.

“Yes,” answered another general, “to confess, and I still thought that rolls would be born in the same form as they are served with coffee in the morning.”

- So, if, for example, someone wants to eat a partridge, he must first catch it, kill it, pluck it, roast it ... But how to do all this?

– How to do all this? echoed another general.

They fell silent and began to try to sleep; but hunger decisively drove away sleep. Fritillaries, turkeys, piglets flashed before my eyes, juicy, slightly browned, with cucumbers, pickles 3
Pickles are small vegetables marinated in vinegar.

And another salad.

- Now I think I would eat my own boot! one general said.

- Gloves are also good when they are worn for a long time! the other general sighed.

Suddenly, both generals looked at each other: an ominous fire shone in their eyes, their teeth chattered, a dull growl flew out of their chests. They began to slowly crawl towards each other and in the blink of an eye went berserk. Shreds flew, there was a screech and a gasp; the general, who was a calligraphy teacher, bit off an order from his comrade and immediately swallowed it. But the sight of flowing blood seemed to bring them to their senses.

- The power of the cross is with us! they both said at the same time. “That way we will eat each other!”

And how did we get here! who is the villain who played such a thing on us!

- It is necessary, Your Excellency, to amuse ourselves with some conversation, otherwise we will have a murder here! one general said.

- Get started! replied another general.

- How, for example, do you think why the sun rises first and then sets, and not vice versa?

“You are a strange man, Your Excellency; but you also get up first, go to the department, write there, and then go to bed?

- But why not allow such a rearrangement: first I go to bed, I see various dreams, and then I get up?

- Hm ... yes ... And I, to confess, as I served in the department, always thought so: now it's morning, and then it will be day, and then they will serve dinner - and it's time to sleep!

But the mention of dinner both plunged into despondency and stopped the conversation at the very beginning.

“I heard from a doctor that a person can eat his own juices for a long time,” one general began again.

- How so?

- Yes, sir. Their own juices seem to produce other juices, these, in turn, still produce juices, and so on, until, finally, the juices stop altogether ...

“Then what is it?”

“Then you need to eat some food ...

In a word, whatever the generals started talking about, it constantly boiled down to the recollection of food, and this irritated the appetite even more. They decided to stop talking and, remembering the found number of Moskovskie Vedomosti, eagerly began to read it.

“Yesterday,” one general read in an excited voice, “the venerable head of our ancient capital had a ceremonial dinner. The table was set for a hundred people with amazing luxury. The gifts of all countries appointed themselves, as it were, a rendezvous 4
Date (French)

On this magical holiday. There was also “Sheksnin’s golden sterlet”, and a pet of the Caucasian forests, a pheasant, and, so rare in our north in February, strawberries ... "

- Pah, sir! can't you find another object, Your Excellency? - exclaimed another general in despair and, taking a newspaper from a comrade, read the following: - “They write from Tula: yesterday, on the occasion of the capture of a sturgeon in the Upa River (an incident that even old-timers will not remember, especially since a private bailiff was identified in the sturgeon B.), there was a festival in the local club. The hero of the occasion was brought in on a huge wooden dish, overlaid with cucumbers and holding a piece of greenery in his mouth. Dr. P., who on the same day was the foreman on duty, carefully watched that all the guests received a piece. The gravy was the most varied and even almost whimsical ... "

- Excuse me, Your Excellency, and you do not seem to be too careful in choosing your reading! - the first general interrupted and, taking the newspaper in his turn, read: - “They write from Vyatka: one of the local old-timers invented the following original method of cooking fish soup: taking a live burbot, carve it first; when, from grief, his liver will increase ... "

The generals bowed their heads. Everything they looked at was evidence of food. Their own thoughts were plotting against them, for no matter how hard they tried to drive away the ideas of steaks, but these ideas fought their way in a violent way.

And suddenly the general, who was a teacher of calligraphy, was inspired...

“And what, Your Excellency,” he said joyfully, “if we could find a peasant?”

- That is, how about ... a man?

- Well, yes, a simple peasant ... what kind of peasants usually are! He would have given us a roll now, and he would have caught grouse, and fish!

“Hm… a peasant… but where can I get him, this peasant, when he’s gone?”

- Just as there is no man - there is a man everywhere, you just have to look for him! He must be hiding somewhere, slacking off work!

This thought encouraged the generals to such an extent that they jumped up, as if tousled, and set off in search of the peasant.

For a long time they wandered about the island without any success, but at last the sharp smell of chaff bread and sour sheepskin brought them to the trail. Under a tree, with his belly up and his fist under his head, a huge man was sleeping and in the most insolent way shied away from work. There was no limit to the indignation of the generals:


- Sleep, couch potato! they pounced on him. - I suppose you don’t know with your ear that two generals here are dying of hunger for the second day! now march to work!

A man got up: he sees that the generals are strict. I wanted to give them an arrow, but they just froze, clinging to him.

And he began to act before them.

First of all, he climbed a tree and picked the generals ten of the most ripe apples, and took one, sour, for himself. Then he dug in the ground - and got potatoes from there; then he took two pieces of wood, rubbed them together, and drew fire. Then he made a snare out of his own hair and caught a hazel grouse. Finally, he lit a fire and baked so many different provisions that it even occurred to the generals: should we give the parasite a piece?

The generals looked at these peasant efforts, and their hearts played merrily. They have already forgotten that yesterday they almost died of hunger, but they thought: this is how good it is to be generals - you won’t get lost anywhere!

Are you satisfied, gentlemen generals? meanwhile the couch potato asked.

- Satisfied, dear friend, we see your zeal! the generals replied.

"Will you let me rest now?"

- Take a rest, my friend, just put the rope first. Now the man picked up wild hemp, soaked it in water, beat it, crushed it - and by the evening the rope was ready. With this rope, the generals tied the man to a tree so that he would not run away, but they themselves went to bed.

A day passed, another passed; the peasant was so contrived that he even began to cook soup in a handful. Our generals became cheerful, loose, well-fed, white. They began to say that here they are living on everything ready, and in St. Petersburg, meanwhile, their pensions are accumulating and accumulating.


- And what do you think, Your Excellency, was there really a Babylonian pandemonium 5
The Babylonian pandemonium is a biblical story about how the inhabitants of the Babylonian kingdom were punished for wanting to build a tower to the sky. God confused their languages ​​and they stopped understanding each other.

Or is it just that, one allegory? - says, it happened, one general to another, after breakfast.

- I think, Your Excellency, what really happened, because otherwise how can one explain that there are different languages ​​in the world!

“So there was a flood, too?”

– And there was a flood, because otherwise how would the existence of antediluvian animals be explained? Moreover, in the "Moskovskie Vedomosti" they tell ...

How long, how short, but the generals missed. More often and more often they began to recall the cooks they had left behind in St. Petersburg, and they even wept quietly.

- Is something being done in Podyacheskaya now, Your Excellency? one general asked another.

“Don’t speak, Your Excellency!” all the heart is gone! replied another general.

- Well, it's good here - there is no word! and everything, you know, is somehow embarrassing for a lamb without a yar! Yes, and the uniform is also a pity!

- What a pity! Especially as the fourth grade, so look at one sewing, your head will spin!

And they began to force the peasant: imagine yes, imagine them in Podyacheskaya! And so what! it turned out that the peasant even knew Podyachkaya, that he had been there, he drank honey-beer, it flowed down his mustache, it didn’t get into his mouth!

- But Podyachesky and I are generals! the generals rejoiced.

- And I, if you saw: a man hangs outside the house, in a box on a rope, and smears paint on the wall, or walks on the roof like a fly - this is who I am! - answered the man.

And the man began to breed on beans 6
Breeding on beans - that is, guessing.

How could he please his generals for the fact that they favored him, a parasite, and did not disdain his peasant labor! And he built a ship not a ship, but such a vessel so that it would be possible to cross the ocean-sea all the way to Podyacheskaya.

“Look, however, scoundrels, don’t drown us!” - said the generals, seeing the boat rocking on the waves.

- Be calm, gentlemen generals, not the first time! - answered the peasant and began to prepare for departure.

The man picked up soft swan fluff and covered the bottom of the boat with it. Having laid them down, he laid the generals on the bottom and, having crossed himself, swam. How much fear the generals gained during the journey from storms and from different winds, how much they scolded the man for his parasitism - this cannot be described with a pen, nor can be said in a fairy tale. And the peasant rows and rows and feeds the generals with herrings.

Finally, Mother Neva, here is Catherine's glorious canal, here is Bolshaya Podyacheskaya! The cooks threw up their hands, seeing how well-fed, white and cheerful their generals had become! The generals got drunk on coffee, ate buns and put on their uniforms. They went to the treasury, and how much money they raked in - that cannot be said in a fairy tale, not described with a pen!

However, the peasant was not forgotten either; they sent him a glass of vodka and a nickel of silver: have fun, man!


Tales of Saltykov-Shchedrin

"Tales" is one of the brightest creations and the most widely read of Saltykov Shchedrin's books. With a few exceptions, they were created over the course of four years (1883-1886), at the final stage of the writer's creative path. Different assumptions were made about the motives that prompted Saltykov to write fairy tales, attempts were made to explain them, either as a means of combating censorship, or as a result of the impact on the writer of the literary and fairy tale - foreign and domestic - tradition, or, finally, the tradition of folklore fairy tales. All this, of course, could play some role. In particular and in particular - the folk-poetic tradition.
Saltykov Shchedrin became interested in folklore as soon as the writer resumed his literary activity after returning from exile in 1856. However, Saltykov's fairy tale "is so original, so unlike literary and folk tales in its essence, the elements of tradition are so reworked in it that the question of where Saltykov borrowed certain elements of the artistic form for his fairy tales loses its sharpness"
Saltykov's allegorical manner, helping to overcome censorship obstacles and depict the phenomena of life in a picturesque and witty way. Improving it, Saltykov achieved in his fairy tales a form that turned out to be the least vulnerable to censorship and at the same time was distinguished by high artistic perfection and greater accessibility.
"Tales", representing the result of the writer's many years of work, synthesize the ideological and artistic principles of Saltykov Shchedrin, his original style of writing, the variety of visual means and techniques, they vividly demonstrate the strength and richness of his humor, his skill in applying hyperbole, fantasy, allegory for realistic reproduction of life. Therefore, "Tales" is exactly the book of Saltykov Shchedrin, which in the best way reveals to the reader the rich spiritual world and the many-sided creative individuality of the Russian artist-thinker, who was at the forefront of the social and literary movement of his time.

The story of how one man fed two generals

In this fairy tale, which marked the beginning of the fairy tale cycle, Saltykov Shchedrin showed that the source of the material and any other well-being of the social elite is the work of the peasant.

The story of how one man fed two generals

Once upon a time there were two generals, and since both were frivolous, they soon, at the behest of a pike, at my will, found themselves on a desert island.

The generals served all their lives in some kind of registry; * they were born there, brought up and grew old, therefore, they did not understand anything. They didn’t even know any words, except: “Accept the assurance of my perfect respect and devotion.”

The registry was abolished as unnecessary and the generals were released into the wild. Left behind by the state, they settled in St. Petersburg, in Podyacheskaya Street, in different apartments; each had his own cook and received a pension. Only suddenly they found themselves on a desert island, woke up and saw: both were lying under the same blanket. Of course, at first they did not understand anything and began to talk as if nothing had happened to them.

Strange, Your Excellency, I had a dream today, - said one general, - I see that I live on a desert island ...

He said this, but all of a sudden he jumps up! Another general also jumped up.

God! yes, what is it! Where are we! both of them cried out in a voice that was not their own.

And they began to feel each other, as if not in a dream, but in reality such an opportunity happened to them. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves that all this was nothing more than a dream, they had to be convinced of the sad reality.

In front of them on one side was the sea, on the other side lay a small piece of land, behind which was the same boundless sea. The generals cried for the first time after they closed the registry.

They began to examine each other and saw that they were in nightgowns, and on their necks hung an order.

Now it would be good to drink coffee! - said one general, but he remembered what an unheard-of thing had happened to him, and for the second time he began to cry.

What shall we do, however? - he continued through tears, - if now a report is written - what good will come of it?

Here's what, - answered another general, - you, Your Excellency, go to the east, and I will go to the west, and in the evening we will meet again at this place; maybe we'll find something.

They began to look for where the east is and where the west is. They remembered how the chief once said: "If you want to find the east, then stand with your eyes to the north, and in your right hand you will get what you are looking for." They began to look for the north, stood this way and that, tried all the countries of the world, but since they had served in the registry all their lives, they did not find anything.

That's what, Your Excellency, you go to the right, and I to the left; that way it will be better! - said one general, who, in addition to the registrar, served in the school of military cantonists as a teacher of calligraphy * and, therefore, was smarter.

No sooner said than done. One general went to the right and saw that trees were growing, and there were all sorts of fruits on the trees. The general wants to get at least one apple, but they all hang so high that they have to climb. I tried to climb - nothing happened, I just tore my shirt. The general came to the stream, he sees: the fish there, as if in a cage on the Fontanka, are teeming and teeming.

“Here, if only some kind of fish and on Podyacheskaya!” - thought the general, and even his face changed from appetite.

The general went into the forest - and there the hazel grouse whistled, the black grouse lek, the hares ran.

God! some food! some food! - said the general, feeling that he was already starting to feel sick.

There was nothing to do, I had to return to the agreed place empty-handed. He comes, and another general is already waiting.

Well, Your Excellency, did you think of something?

Yes, I found an old issue of Moskovskie Vedomosti, and nothing more!

The generals went to bed again, but they could not sleep on an empty stomach. Either they are worried about who will receive a pension for them, or they recall the fruits they saw during the day, fish, hazel grouse, black grouse, hares.

Who would have thought, Your Excellency, that human food, in its original form, flies, swims and grows on trees? one general said.

Yes, - answered another general, - to confess, and I still thought that the rolls would be born in the same form as they are served with coffee in the morning!

Therefore, if, for example, someone wants to eat a partridge, he must first catch it, kill it, pluck it, roast it ... But how to do all this?

How to do all this? - like an echo, repeated the other general.

They fell silent and began to try to sleep; but hunger decisively drove away sleep. Fritillaries, turkeys, piglets flashed before my eyes, juicy, lightly browned, with cucumbers, pickles and other salad.

Now I would, it seems, eat my own boot! one general said.

Gloves are also good when they are worn for a long time! sighed the other general.

Suddenly, both generals looked at each other: an ominous fire shone in their eyes, their teeth chattered, a dull growl flew out of their chests. They began to slowly crawl towards each other and in the blink of an eye went berserk. Shreds flew, there was a screech and a gasp; the general, who was a teacher of calligraphy, bit off an order * from his comrade and immediately swallowed it. But the sight of flowing blood seemed to bring them to their senses.

The power of the cross is with us! - they both said at once, - because that way we will eat each other! And how did we get here! who is the villain who played such a thing on us!

It is necessary, Your Excellency, to entertain ourselves with some conversation, otherwise we will have a murder here! one general said.

Get started! replied the other general.

How, for example, do you think why the sun rises first and then sets, and not vice versa?

You are a strange man, Your Excellency: but you, too, get up first, go to the department,* write there, and then go to bed?

But why not allow such a rearrangement: first I go to bed, I see various dreams, and then I get up?

Hm ... yes ... And I, to be honest, as I served in the department, I always thought this way: “Now it’s morning, and then it will be day, and then they will serve dinner - and it’s time to sleep!”

But the mention of dinner both plunged into despondency and stopped the conversation at the very beginning.

I heard from a doctor that a person can feed on his own juices for a long time, - one general began again.

How so?

Yes, sir. Their own juices seem to produce other juices, these, in turn, still produce juices, and so on, until, finally, the juices stop altogether ...

Then what?

Then you need to eat some food ...

In a word, whatever the generals started talking about, it constantly boiled down to the recollection of food, and this irritated the appetite even more. They decided: to stop talking, and, remembering the number of Moskovskie Vedomosti they had found, they eagerly began to read it.

“Yesterday,” one general read in an excited voice, “the venerable chief of our ancient capital had a ceremonial dinner. The table was set for a hundred people with amazing luxury. The gifts of all countries have appointed themselves, as it were, a rendezvous at this magical holiday. There was also “Sheksnin’s golden sterlet” *, and a pet of the Caucasian forests - a pheasant, and strawberries, so rare in our north in February ... "

Fuck you, sir! can't you find another object, Your Excellency? - exclaimed another general in despair and, taking a newspaper from a comrade, read the following:

“They write from Tula: yesterday, on the occasion of the capture of a sturgeon in the Upa River (an incident that even the old-timers will not remember, especially since a private bailiff B. was identified in the sturgeon), there was a festival in the local club. The hero of the occasion was brought in on a huge wooden platter, lined with cucumbers and holding a piece of greenery in his mouth. The gravy was the most varied and even almost whimsical ... "

Excuse me, Your Excellency, and you do not seem to be too careful in your choice of reading! - interrupted the first general and, taking, in turn, the newspaper, read:

“They write from Vyatka: one of the local old-timers invented the following original method of cooking fish soup: taking a live burbot, first carve it; when, from grief, his liver will increase ... "

The generals bowed their heads. Everything they looked at was evidence of food. * Their own thoughts plotted against them, for no matter how hard they tried to drive away the ideas of steaks, but these ideas fought their way in a violent way.

And suddenly the general, who was a teacher of calligraphy, was inspired...

And what, Your Excellency, - he said joyfully - if we could find a peasant?

That is, how about ... a man?

Well, yes, a simple peasant ... what kind of peasants usually are! He would have given us a roll now, and he would have caught grouse, and fish!

Hm... a man... but where can I get him, this man, when he's gone?

Just like there is no man, there is a man everywhere, you just have to look for him! He must be hiding somewhere, slacking off work!

This thought encouraged the generals to such an extent that they jumped up as if ruffled and set off in search of the muzhik.

For a long time they wandered around the island without any success, but at last the sharp smell of chaff bread and sour sheepskin brought them to the trail. Under a tree, with his belly up and his fist under his head, a huge man was sleeping and in the most insolent way shied away from work. The indignation of the generals knew no bounds.

Sleep, couch potato! - they pounced on him, - I suppose you don’t know with your ear that here two generals are dying of hunger for the second day! now march to work!

A man got up: he sees that the generals are strict. I wanted to give them an arrow, but they just froze, clinging to him.

And he began to act before them.

First of all, he climbed a tree and picked the generals ten of the most ripe apples, and took one, sour, for himself. Then he dug in the ground - and got potatoes from there; then he took two pieces of wood, rubbed them against each other - and took out the fire. Then he made a snare out of his own hair and caught a hazel grouse. Finally, he lit a fire and baked so many different provisions that it even occurred to the generals to think -. "Shouldn't you give the parasite a piece?"

The generals looked at these peasant efforts, and their hearts played merrily. They have already forgotten that yesterday they almost died of hunger, but they thought: “This is how good it is to be generals - you won’t get lost anywhere!”

Are you satisfied, gentlemen generals? meanwhile the couch potato asked.

Satisfied, dear friend, we see your zeal! - answered the generals.

Will you let me rest now?

Take a rest, my friend, just tie the rope first.

Now the man picked up wild hemp, soaked it in water, beat it, crushed it - and by the evening the rope was ready. With this rope, the generals tied the man to a tree so that he would not run away, but they themselves went to bed.

A day passed, another passed; the peasant was so contrived that he even began to cook soup in a handful. Our generals became cheerful, loose, well-fed, white. They began to say that here they are living on everything ready, and in St. Petersburg, meanwhile, their pensions are accumulating and accumulating.

And what do you think, Your Excellency, was there really a Babylonian pandemonium, or is it just that, one allegory? - says, it happened, one general to another, after breakfast.

I think, Your Excellency, what really happened, because otherwise how can one explain that there are different languages ​​in the world!

So there was a flood?

And there was a flood, because, otherwise, how could the existence of antediluvian animals be explained? Moreover, in the "Moskovskie Vedomosti" they tell ...

They will find a number, sit under the shade, read from board to board, as they ate in Moscow, ate in Tula, ate in Penza, ate in Ryazan - and nothing, they don’t feel sick!

How long, how short, but the generals missed. More and more often they began to recall the cooks they had left behind in St. Petersburg, and even wept quietly.

Is something being done in Podyacheskaya now, Your Excellency? one general asked another.

And don't speak, Your Excellency! all the heart is gone! replied the other general.

Well, it's good here - no words! and everything, you know, is somehow embarrassing for a lamb without a yar! Yes, and the uniform is also a pity!

What a pity! Especially, as the fourth grade, so look at one sewing, your head will spin!

And they began to force the peasant: imagine yes, imagine them in Podyacheskaya! And so what! it turned out that the peasant even knew Podyachkaya, that he had been there, he drank honey-beer, it flowed down his mustache, it didn’t get into his mouth!

But Podyachesky and I are generals! the generals rejoiced.

And if I saw: a man is hanging outside the house, in a box on a rope, and smears paint on the wall, or like a fly walks on the roof - this is me! - answered the man.

And the peasant began to breed beans, how would he please his generals for the fact that they favored him, the parasite, and did not disdain his peasant labor! And he built a ship - not a ship, but such a vessel that it was possible to cross the ocean-sea right up to Podyacheskaya itself.

Look, however, scoundrels, don't drown us! - said the generals, seeing the boat rocking on the waves.

Be calm, gentlemen generals, not the first time! - answered the peasant and began to prepare for departure.

The man picked up soft swan fluff and covered the bottom of the boat with it. Having laid them down, he laid the generals on the bottom and, having crossed himself, swam. How much fear the generals gained during the journey from storms and from various winds, how much they scolded the man for his parasitism - this cannot be described with a pen, nor in a fairy tale. And the peasant rows and rows and feeds the generals with herrings.

Here, finally, is Mother Neva, here is Catherine's glorious canal, here is Bolshaya Podyacheskaya! The cooks threw up their hands, seeing how well-fed, white and cheerful their generals had become! The generals got drunk on coffee, ate buns and put on their uniforms. They went to the treasury, and how much money they raked in - that cannot be said in a fairy tale, nor described with a pen!

However, the peasant was not forgotten either; they sent him a glass of vodka and a nickel of silver: have fun, man!

You read a fairy tale: The Tale of How One Man Feeded Two Generals: Saltykov Shchedrin M E (Mikhail Evgrafovich).
You can read all the fairy tales in full, according to the content on the right.

Classics of literature (satire) from the collection of works for reading (stories, fairy tales) of the best, famous writers: Mikhail Evgrafovich Saltykov-Shchedrin. .................

Mikhail Evgrafovich Saltykov-Shchedrin

The story of how one man fed two generals

Once upon a time there were two generals, and since both were frivolous, they soon, at the behest of a pike, at my will, found themselves on a desert island.

The generals served all their lives in some kind of registry; there they were born, brought up and grew old, therefore, they did not understand anything. They didn’t even know any words, except: “accept the assurance of my perfect respect and devotion.”

The registry was abolished as unnecessary and the generals were released into the wild. Left behind by the state, they settled in St. Petersburg, in Podyacheskaya Street, in different apartments; each had his own cook and received a pension. Only suddenly they found themselves on a desert island, woke up and saw: both were lying under the same blanket. Of course, at first they did not understand anything and began to talk as if nothing had happened to them.

- Strange, Your Excellency, I had a dream today, - said one general, - I see that I live on a desert island ...

He said it and all of a sudden he jumps up! Another general also jumped up.

- God! yes, what is it! Where are we! Both cried out in unnatural voices.

And they began to feel each other, as if not in a dream, but in reality such an opportunity happened to them. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves that all this was nothing more than a dream, they had to be convinced of the sad reality.

In front of them on one side was the sea, on the other side lay a small piece of land, behind which was the same boundless sea. The generals cried for the first time after they closed the registry.

They began to examine each other and saw that they were in nightgowns, and on their necks hung an order.

- Now it would be good to drink coffee! - said one general, but he remembered what an unheard-of thing had happened to him, and for the second time he began to cry.

What are we going to do, though? he continued through tears. - If you now write a report - what good will come of it?

- That's what, - answered another general, - go you, your excellency, to the east, and I will go to the west, and in the evening we will meet again at this place; maybe we'll find something.

They began to look for where the east is and where the west is. They remembered how the chief once said: if you want to find the east, then stand with your eyes to the north, and in your right hand you will get what you are looking for. They began to look for the north, stood this way and that, tried all the countries of the world, but since they had served in the registry all their lives, they did not find anything.

- Here's what, Your Excellency; you go to the right, and I to the left; that way it will be better! - said one general, who, in addition to the registrar, served as a teacher of calligraphy at the school of military cantonists and, therefore, was smarter.

No sooner said than done. One general went to the right and saw that trees were growing, and there were all sorts of fruits on the trees. The general wants to get at least one apple, but they all hang so high that they have to climb. I tried to climb - nothing came of it, I just tore my shirt off. The general came to the stream, he sees: the fish there, as if in a cage on the Fontanka, are teeming and teeming.

“Here, if only some kind of fish and on Podyacheskaya!” - thought the general, and even his face changed from appetite.

The general went into the forest - and there the hazel grouse whistled, the black grouse lek, the hares ran.

- God! some food! some food! - said the general, feeling that he was already starting to feel sick.

There was nothing to do, I had to return to the agreed place empty-handed. He comes, and another general is already waiting.

“Well, Your Excellency, have you provided something?”

End of introductory segment.

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Once upon a time there were two generals, and since both were frivolous, they soon, at the behest of a pike, at my will, found themselves on a desert island.

The generals served all their lives in some kind of registry; there they were born, brought up and grew old, therefore, they did not understand anything. They didn’t even know any words, except: “Receive the assurance of my perfect respect and devotion.”

The registry was abolished as unnecessary and the generals were released into the wild. Left behind by the state, they settled in St. Petersburg, in Podyacheskaya Street, in different apartments; each had his own cook, and received a pension. Only suddenly they found themselves on a desert island, woke up and saw: both were lying under the same blanket. Of course, at first they did not understand anything and began to talk as if nothing had happened to them.

Strange, Your Excellency, I had a dream today, - said one general, - I see that I live on a desert island ...

He said this, but all of a sudden he jumps up! Another general also jumped up.

God! yes, what is it! Where are we! both of them cried out in a voice that was not their own.

And they began to feel each other, as if not in a dream, but in reality such an opportunity happened to them. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves that all this was nothing more than a dream, they had to be convinced of the sad reality.

In front of them on one side was the sea, on the other side lay a small piece of land, behind which was the same boundless sea. The generals cried for the first time after they closed the registry.

They began to examine each other and saw that they were in nightgowns, and on their necks hung an order.

Now it would be good to drink coffee! - said one general, but he remembered what an unheard-of thing had happened to him, and for the second time he began to cry.

What shall we do, however? - he continued through tears, - if now a report is written - what good will come of it?

Here's what, - answered another general, - you, Your Excellency, go to the east, and I will go to the west, and in the evening we will meet again at this place; maybe we'll find something.

They began to look for where the east is and where the west is. They remembered how the chief once said: "If you want to find the east, then stand with your eyes to the north, and in your right hand you will get what you are looking for." They began to look for the north, stood this way and that, tried all the countries of the world, but since they had served in the registry all their lives, they did not find anything.

Here's what, Your Excellency: you go to the right, and I to the left; that way it will be better! - said one general, who, in addition to the registrar, served as a teacher of calligraphy at the school of military cantonists and, therefore, was smarter.

No sooner said than done. One general went to the right and saw that trees were growing, and there were all sorts of fruits on the trees. The general wants to get at least one apple, but they all hang so high that they have to climb. I tried to climb - nothing happened, I just tore my shirt. The general came to the stream, he sees: the fish there, as if in a cage on the Fontanka, are teeming and teeming.

"Here, if only some kind of fish and on Podyacheskaya!" - thought the general, and even his face changed from appetite. The general went into the forest - and there the hazel grouse whistled, the black grouse lek, the hares ran.

God! some food! some food! - said the general, feeling that he was already starting to feel sick.

There was nothing to do, I had to return to the agreed place empty-handed. He comes, and another general is already waiting.

Well, what, Your Excellency, did you provide something?

Yes, I found the old issue of Moskovskie Vedomosti, and nothing more!

The generals went to bed again, but they could not sleep on an empty stomach. Either they are worried about who will receive a pension for them, or they recall the fruits they saw during the day, fish, hazel grouse, black grouse, hares.

Who would have thought, Your Excellency, that human food, in its original form, flies, swims and grows on trees? one general said.

Yes, - answered another general, - to confess, and I still thought that the rolls would be born in the same form as they are served with coffee in the morning.

So, if, for example, someone wants to eat a partridge, he must first catch it, kill it, pluck it, roast it ... But how to do all this?

How to do all this? - like an echo, repeated the other general.

They fell silent and began to try to sleep; but hunger decisively drove away sleep. Fritillaries, turkeys, piglets flashed before my eyes, juicy, lightly browned, with cucumbers, pickles and other salad.

Now I would, it seems, eat my own boot! one general said.

Gloves are also good when they are worn for a long time! sighed the other general.

Suddenly, both generals looked at each other: an ominous fire shone in their eyes, their teeth chattered, a dull growl flew out of their chests. They began to slowly crawl towards each other and in the blink of an eye went berserk. Shreds flew, there was a screech and a gasp; the general, who was a calligraphy teacher, bit off an order from his comrade and immediately swallowed it. But the sight of flowing blood seemed to bring them to their senses.

The power of the cross is with us! - they both said at once, - because that way we will eat each other!

And how did we get here! who is the villain who played such a thing on us!

It is necessary, Your Excellency, to entertain ourselves with some conversation, otherwise we will have a murder here! one general said.

Get started! replied the other general.

How, for example, do you think why the sun rises first and then sets, and not vice versa?

You are a strange man, Your Excellency; but you also get up first, go to the department, write there, and then go to bed?

But why not allow such a rearrangement: first I go to bed, I see various dreams, and then I get up?

Hm... yes... And I, to be honest, as I served in the department, I always thought so. "Now it's morning, and then it will be day, and then supper will be served - and it's time to sleep!"

But the mention of dinner both plunged into despondency and stopped the conversation at the very beginning.

I heard from a doctor that a person can feed on his own juices for a long time, - one general began again.

How so?

Yes, sir. Their own juices seem to produce other juices, these, in turn, still produce juices, and so on, until, finally, the juices stop altogether ...

Then what?

Then you need to eat some food ...

In a word, whatever the generals started talking about, it constantly boiled down to the recollection of food, and this irritated the appetite even more. They decided: to stop talking, and, remembering the found number of Moskovskie Vedomosti, they eagerly began to read it.

“Yesterday,” one general read in an excited voice, “the venerable head of our ancient capital had a ceremonial dinner. The table was served for a hundred people with amazing luxury. Gifts from all countries appointed themselves, as it were, a rendezvous at this magical holiday. golden", and a pet of the Caucasian forests - a pheasant, and strawberries so rare in our north in February ..."

Fuck you, sir! can't you find another object, Your Excellency? - exclaimed another general in despair and, taking a newspaper from a comrade, read the following:

“They write from Tula: yesterday, on the occasion of the capture of a sturgeon in the Upa River (an incident that even the old-timers will not remember, especially since a private bailiff B. was identified in the sturgeon), there was a festival in the local club. The hero of the occasion was brought in on a huge wooden platter , overlaid with cucumbers and holding a piece of greenery in his mouth. Dr. P., who was the foreman on duty that day, carefully watched that all the guests received a piece. The gravy was the most varied and even almost whimsical ... "

Excuse me, Your Excellency, and you do not seem to be too careful in your choice of reading! - interrupted the first general and, taking, in turn, the newspaper, read:

“They write from Vyatka: one of the local old-timers invented the following original method of cooking fish soup: taking a live burbot, carve it first; when, out of chagrin, its liver will increase ...”

The generals bowed their heads. Everything they looked at was evidence of food. Their own thoughts were plotting against them, for no matter how hard they tried to drive away the ideas of steaks, but these ideas fought their way in a violent way.

And suddenly the general, who was a calligraphy teacher, was inspired...

And what, Your Excellency, - he said joyfully - if we could find a peasant?

That is, how about ... a man?

Well, yes, a simple peasant ... what kind of peasants usually are! He would have given us a roll now, and he would have caught grouse, and fish!

Hm... a man... but where can I get him, this man, when he's gone?

As there is no man - the man is everywhere, you just have to look for him! He must be hiding somewhere, slacking off work!

This thought encouraged the generals to such an extent that they jumped up as if ruffled and set off in search of the muzhik.

For a long time they wandered about the island without any success, but at last the sharp smell of chaff bread and sour sheepskin brought them to the trail. Under a tree, with his belly up and his fist under his head, a huge man was sleeping and in the most insolent way shied away from work. The indignation of the generals knew no bounds.

Sleep, couch potato! - they pounced on him, - I suppose you don’t know with your ear that here two generals are dying of hunger for the second day! now march to work!

A man got up: he sees that the generals are strict. I wanted to give them an arrow, but they just froze, clinging to him.

And he began to act before them.

First of all, he climbed a tree and picked the generals ten of the most ripe apples, and took one, sour, for himself. Then he dug in the ground - and got potatoes from there; then he took two pieces of wood, rubbed them against each other - and took out the fire. Then he made a snare out of his own hair and caught a hazel grouse. Finally, he lit a fire and baked so many different provisions that it even occurred to the generals: "Shouldn't we give the parasite a piece?"

The generals looked at these peasant efforts, and their hearts played merrily. They have already forgotten that yesterday they almost died of hunger, and they thought: "That's how good it is to be generals - you won't get lost anywhere!"

Are you satisfied, gentlemen generals? meanwhile the couch potato asked.

Satisfied, dear friend, we see your zeal! - answered the generals.

Will you let me rest now?

Take a rest, my friend, just tie the rope first.

Now the man picked up wild hemp, soaked it in water, beat it, crushed it - and by the evening the rope was ready. With this rope, the generals tied the man to a tree so that he would not run away, but they themselves went to bed.

A day passed, another passed; the peasant was so contrived that he even began to cook soup in a handful. Our generals became cheerful, loose, well-fed, white. They began to say that here they are living on everything ready, and in St. Petersburg, meanwhile, their pensions are accumulating and accumulating.

And what do you think, Your Excellency, was there really a Babylonian pandemonium, or is it just that, one allegory? - says, it happened, one general to another, after breakfast.

I think, Your Excellency, what really happened, because otherwise how can one explain that there are different languages ​​in the world!

So there was a flood?

And there was a flood, because, otherwise, how could the existence of antediluvian animals be explained? Moreover, in the "Moskovskie Vedomosti" they tell ...

They will find a number, sit under the shade, read from board to board, as they ate in Moscow, ate in Tula, ate in Penza, ate in Ryazan - and nothing, they don’t feel sick!

How long, how short, but the generals missed. More and more often they began to recall the cooks they had left behind in St. Petersburg, and even wept quietly.

Is something being done in Podyacheskaya now, Your Excellency? one general asked another.

And don't speak, Your Excellency! All hearts are gone! replied another general.

Well, it's good here - no words! and everything, you know, is somehow embarrassing for a lamb without a yar! Yes, and the uniform is also a pity!

What a pity! Especially, as the fourth grade, so look at one sewing, your head will spin!

And they began to force the peasant: imagine yes, imagine them in Podyacheskaya! And so what! it turned out that the peasant even knew Podyachkaya, that he had been there, he drank honey-beer, it flowed down his mustache, it didn’t get into his mouth!

But Podyachesky and I are generals! the generals rejoiced.

And I, if you saw: a man is hanging outside the house in a box on a rope, and he smears paint on the wall, or like a fly walks on the roof - this is who I am! - answered the man.

And the peasant began to breed beans, how would he please his generals for the fact that they favored him, the parasite, and did not disdain his peasant labor! And he built a ship - not a ship, but such a vessel that it was possible to cross the ocean-sea right up to Podyacheskaya itself.

Look, however, scoundrels, don't drown us! - said the generals, seeing the boat rocking on the waves.

Be calm, gentlemen generals, not the first time! - answered the peasant and began to prepare for departure.

The man picked up soft swan fluff and covered the bottom of the boat with it. Having laid them down, he laid the generals on the bottom and, having crossed himself, swam. How much fear the generals gained during the journey from storms and from various winds, how much they scolded the man for his parasitism - this cannot be described with a pen, nor in a fairy tale. And the peasant rows and rows and feeds the generals with herrings.

Here, finally, is Mother Neva, here is Catherine's glorious canal, here is Bolshaya Podyacheskaya! The cooks threw up their hands, seeing how well-fed, white and cheerful their generals had become! The generals got drunk on coffee, ate buns and put on their uniforms. They went to the treasury, and how much money they raked in - that cannot be said in a fairy tale, nor described with a pen!

However, the peasant was not forgotten either; they sent him a glass of vodka and a nickel of silver: have fun, man!

Once upon a time there were two generals, and since both were frivolous, they soon, at the behest of a pike, at my will, found themselves on a desert island.

The generals served all their lives in some kind of registry; there they were born, brought up and grew old, therefore, they did not understand anything. They didn’t even know any words, except: “Accept the assurance of my perfect respect and devotion.”

The registry was abolished as unnecessary and the generals were released into the wild. Left behind by the state, they settled in St. Petersburg, in Podyacheskaya Street, in different apartments; each had his own cook and received a pension. Only suddenly they found themselves on a desert island, woke up and saw: both were lying under the same blanket. Of course, at first they did not understand anything and began to talk as if nothing had happened to them.

- Strange, Your Excellency, I had a dream today, - said one general, - I see that I live on a desert island ...

He said this, but all of a sudden he jumps up! Another general also jumped up.

- God! yes, what is it! Where are we! Both cried out in unnatural voices.

And they began to feel each other, as if not in a dream, but in reality such an opportunity happened to them. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves that all this was nothing more than a dream, they had to be convinced of the sad reality.

In front of them on one side was the sea, on the other side lay a small piece of land, behind which was the same boundless sea. The generals cried for the first time after they closed the registry.

They began to examine each other and saw that they were in nightgowns, and on their necks hung an order.

- Now it would be good to drink coffee! - said one general, but he remembered what an unheard-of thing had happened to him, and for the second time he began to cry. What are we going to do, though? he continued through tears. - If you now write a report - what good will come of it?

- That's what, - answered another general, - go you, Your Excellency, to the east, and I will go to the west, and in the evening we will meet again at this place; maybe we'll find something.

They began to look for where the east is and where the west is. They remembered how the chief once said: "If you want to find the east, then stand with your eyes to the north, and in your right hand you will get what you are looking for." They began to look for the north, stood this way and that, tried all the countries of the world, but since they had served in the registry all their lives, they did not find anything.

- Here's what, Your Excellency: you go to the right, and I to the left; that way it will be better! - said one general, who, in addition to the registrar, served as a teacher of calligraphy at the school of military cantonists and, therefore, was smarter.

No sooner said than done. One general went to the right and saw that trees were growing, and there were all sorts of fruits on the trees. The general wants to get at least one apple, but they all hang so high that they have to climb. I tried to climb - nothing came of it, I just tore my shirt off. The general came to the stream, he sees: the fish there, as if in a cage on the Fontanka, are teeming and teeming.

“Here, if only some kind of fish and on Podyacheskaya!” - thought the general, and even his face changed from appetite.

The general went into the forest - and there the hazel grouse whistled, the black grouse lek, the hares ran.

- God! some food! some food! - said the general, feeling that he was already starting to feel sick.

There was nothing to do, I had to return to the agreed place empty-handed. He comes, and another general is already waiting.

“Well, Your Excellency, did you provide something?”

- Yes, I found the old issue of Moskovskie Vedomosti, and nothing more!

The generals went to bed again, but they could not sleep on an empty stomach. Either they are worried about who will receive a pension for them, or they recall the fruits they saw during the day, fish, hazel grouse, black grouse, hares.

- Who would have thought, Your Excellency, that human food, in its original form, flies, swims and grows on trees? one general said.

“Yes,” answered another general, “to confess, and I still thought that rolls would be born in the same form as they are served with coffee in the morning!”

- So, if, for example, someone wants to eat a partridge, he must first catch it, kill it, pluck it, roast it ... But how to do all this?

– How to do all this? - like an echo, repeated the other general.

They fell silent and began to try to sleep; but hunger decisively drove away sleep. Fritillaries, turkeys, piglets flashed before my eyes, juicy, lightly browned, with cucumbers, pickles and other salad.

- Now I think I would eat my own boot! one general said.

- Gloves are also good when they are worn for a long time! the other general sighed.

Suddenly, both generals looked at each other: an ominous fire shone in their eyes, their teeth chattered, a dull growl flew out of their chests. They began to slowly crawl towards each other and in the blink of an eye went berserk. Shreds flew, there was a screech and a gasp; the general, who was a calligraphy teacher, bit off an order from his comrade and immediately swallowed it. But the sight of flowing blood seemed to bring them to their senses.

- The power of the cross is with us! they both said at the same time. “That way we will eat each other!” And how did we get here! who is the villain who played such a thing on us!

- It is necessary, Your Excellency, to amuse ourselves with some conversation, otherwise we will have a murder here! one general said.

- Get started! replied another general.

- How, for example, do you think why the sun rises first and then sets, and not vice versa?

“You are a strange man, Your Excellency: but you also get up first, go to the department, write there, and then go to bed?”

- But why not allow such a rearrangement: first I go to bed, I see various dreams, and then I get up?

- Hm ... yes ... And, to be honest, as I served in the department, I always thought this way: “Now it’s morning, and then it will be day, and then they will serve dinner - and it’s time to sleep!”

But the mention of dinner both plunged into despondency and stopped the conversation at the very beginning.

“I heard from a doctor that a person can eat his own juices for a long time,” one general began again.

- How so?

- Yes, sir. Their own juices seem to produce other juices, these, in turn, still produce juices, and so on, until finally the juices stop altogether ...

“Then what is it?”

“Then you need to eat some food ...

In a word, whatever the generals started talking about, it constantly boiled down to the recollection of food, and this irritated the appetite even more. They decided: to stop talking, and, remembering the number of Moskovskie Vedomosti they had found, they eagerly began to read it.

“Yesterday,” one general read in an excited voice, “the venerable head of our ancient capital had a ceremonial dinner. The table was set for a hundred people with amazing luxury. The gifts of all countries appointed themselves, as it were, a rendezvous Date (from French rendez-vous). this magical holiday. There was also “Sheksnin’s golden sterlet”, and a pet of the Caucasian forests - a pheasant, and, so rare in our north in February, strawberries ... "

- Fuck you, Lord! can't you find another object, Your Excellency? - exclaimed another general in despair and, taking a newspaper from a comrade, read the following: - “They write from Tula: yesterday, on the occasion of the capture of a sturgeon in the Upa River (an incident that even old-timers will not remember, especially since a private bailiff was identified in the sturgeon B.), there was a festival in the local club. The hero of the occasion was brought in on a huge wooden dish, overlaid with cucumbers and holding a piece of greenery in his mouth. Dr. P., who on the same day was the foreman on duty, carefully watched that all the guests received a piece. The gravy was the most varied and even almost whimsical ... "

- Excuse me, Your Excellency, and you do not seem to be too careful in choosing your reading! - interrupted the first general and, taking, in turn, a newspaper, read: - “They write from Vyatka: one of the local old-timers invented the following original method of cooking fish soup: taking a live burbot, first carve it; when, from grief, his liver will increase ... "

The generals bowed their heads. Everything they looked at was evidence of food. Their own thoughts were plotting against them, for no matter how hard they tried to drive away the ideas of steaks, but these ideas fought their way in a violent way.

And suddenly the general, who was a teacher of calligraphy, was inspired...

“And what, Your Excellency,” he said joyfully, “if we could find a peasant?”

- That is, how about ... a man?

- Well, yes, a simple peasant ... what kind of peasants usually are! He would have given us a roll now, and he would have caught grouse, and fish!

“Hm… a peasant… but where can I get him, this peasant, when he’s gone?”

- Just as there is no man - there is a man everywhere, you just have to look for him! He must be hiding somewhere, slacking off work!

This thought encouraged the generals to such an extent that they jumped up as if ruffled and set off in search of the muzhik.

For a long time they wandered around the island without any success, but at last the sharp smell of chaff bread and sour sheepskin brought them to the trail. Under a tree, with his belly up and his fist under his head, a huge man was sleeping and in the most insolent way shied away from work. The indignation of the generals knew no bounds.

- Sleep, couch potato! they pounced on him. - I suppose you don’t know with your ear that two generals here are dying of hunger for the second day! now march to work!

The man got up; sees that the generals are strict. I wanted to give them an arrow, but they just froze, clinging to him.

And he began to act before them.

First of all, he climbed a tree and picked the generals ten of the most ripe apples, and took one, sour, for himself. Then he dug in the ground - and got potatoes from there; then he took two pieces of wood, rubbed them together, and drew fire. Then he made a snare out of his own hair and caught a hazel grouse. Finally, he lit a fire and baked so many different provisions that it even occurred to the generals: “Shouldn’t we give the parasite a piece?”

The generals looked at these peasant efforts, and their hearts played merrily. They have already forgotten that yesterday they almost died of hunger, and they thought: “This is how good it is to be generals - you won’t get lost anywhere!”

Are you satisfied, gentlemen generals? meanwhile the couch potato asked.

- Satisfied, dear friend, we see your zeal! the generals replied.

"Will you let me rest now?"

- Take a rest, my friend, just put the rope first.

Now the man had collected wild hemp, soaked it in water, beat it, crushed it - and by the evening the rope was ready. With this rope, the generals tied the man to a tree so that he would not run away, but they themselves went to bed.

A day passed, another passed; the peasant was so contrived that he even began to cook soup in a handful. Our generals became cheerful, loose, well-fed, white. They began to say that here they are living on everything ready, and in St. Petersburg, meanwhile, their pensions are accumulating and accumulating.

- And what do you think, Your Excellency, was there really a Babylonian pandemonium, or is it just that, one allegory? - says, it happened, one general to another, after breakfast.

- I think, Your Excellency, what really happened, because otherwise how can you explain that there are different languages ​​in the world!

“So there was a flood, too?”

– And there was a flood, because, otherwise, how could the existence of antediluvian animals be explained? Moreover, in the "Moskovskie Vedomosti" they tell ...

They will find the number, sit under the shade, read from board to board, as they ate in Moscow, ate in Tula, ate in Penza, ate in Ryazan - and nothing, they don’t feel sick!


How long, how short, but the generals missed. More and more often they began to recall the cooks they had left behind in St. Petersburg, and even wept quietly.

- Is something being done in Podyacheskaya now, Your Excellency? one general asked another.

“Don’t speak, Your Excellency!” all the heart is gone! replied another general.

- Well, it's good here - there is no word! and everything, you know, is somehow embarrassing for a lamb without a yar! Yes, and the uniform is also a pity!

- What a pity! Especially, as the fourth grade, so look at one sewing, your head will spin!

And they began to force the peasant: imagine yes, imagine them in Podyacheskaya! And so what! it turned out that the peasant even knew Podyachkaya, that he had been there, he drank honey-beer, it flowed down his mustache, it didn’t get into his mouth!

- But Podyachesky and I are generals! the generals rejoiced.

- And I, if you saw: a man is hanging outside the house, in a box on a rope, and smears paint on the wall or like a fly walks on the roof - this is who I am! - answered the man.

And the peasant began to breed beans, how would he please his generals for the fact that they favored him, the parasite, and did not disdain his peasant labor! And he built a ship - not a ship, but such a vessel that it was possible to cross the ocean-sea all the way to Podyacheskaya.

“Look, however, scoundrels, don’t drown us!” - said the generals, seeing the boat rocking on the waves.

- Be calm, gentlemen generals, not the first time! - answered the peasant and began to prepare for departure.

The man picked up soft swan fluff and covered the bottom of the boat with it. Having laid them down, he laid the generals on the bottom and, having crossed himself, swam. How much fear the generals gained during the journey from storms and from different winds, how much they scolded the man for his parasitism - this cannot be described with a pen, nor can be said in a fairy tale. And the peasant rows and rows and feeds the generals with herrings.

Finally, Mother Neva, here is Catherine's glorious canal, here is Bolshaya Podyacheskaya! The cooks threw up their hands, seeing how well-fed, white and cheerful their generals had become! The generals got drunk on coffee, ate buns and put on their uniforms. They went to the treasury, and how much money they raked in - that cannot be said in a fairy tale, not described with a pen!

However, the peasant was not forgotten either; they sent him a glass of vodka and a nickel of silver: have fun, man!


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